Ok, I have to say that in all honesty, everything is going well. I’ve been working (post-training) for three weeks now full-time and I do like my job. Most of the people I work with are pretty nice and Monster is happy with his day home and she’s managing taking him to and from school ok so far.

But I have to whine right now. I am feeling …a little sorry for myself? President of the pity party comity? Desirous of throwing a 5-year-old style “give me the bonbons” tantrum? Ya. Go team me. My life is good and I just want to sit down and cry my eyes out right now. Why? Because I miss my son.

We all know that I’m fortunate enough to not HAVE to work (although it makes life a LOT easier if I do). So we wanted me to work half-time to take the load off us financially. But I got more or less bullied into full-time. But full-time here is 9 shifts per two weeks, not ten (yay a bit) so that’s one more day I still get with Monster. But since we’re just opening and havent trained all the staff we need, I’m working overtime. 11 shifts in two weeks.

I’m not getting into the boring details, but this was supposed to be my weekend off and I agreed to work OT on sunday because they were desperate. I didn’t give a shit about the money, I just wanted to keep the “you scratch my back, I scratch yours” system in place with the scheduler (who is great to me). But then my one day off got taken by errands that needed to be done and Monster was too tired to stay out with me and I couldn’t find what I needed and ended up taking ten billion kagillion times longer than planned.

So I had no time with him today to just chill. I’ve been so burnt out trying to get used to being back at work and still doing everything I do at home (because Hubby is still gone a lot) that I’ve barely seen him over the last few weeks. I was REALLY looking forward to spending the weekend with him. I just keep thinking that we try so hard to have babies and right now I’m not even able to appreciate the one I have fully because I’ve been too dead and busy.

I know he’s having fun at Gramma’s but I WANT MY BOY! I’m so lonely for him right now.

I just have to keep reminding myself that I really do like my job and actually being productive outside of my own house and that it will get better soon. But when I get my boy back tomorrow, he’s not leaving my side until I have to drop him off at the day home the next day.

I’ll just deal with Darth Vader’s snoring. I’m a big girl, I can suck it up.

Advertisements