Category: Trying Again


Sex for Dummies

I was so incredibly grumpy yesterday that I put myself in time out. It started at work. I had no reason for feeling the way I did and I let everyone know “don’t take this personally, I just need to be sent to bed and  that’s not really doable until I get home”. Sadly, when my mom called after work ~20 minutes into my self-appointed time out, she didn’t quite grasp on to the “I’m really grumpy and need a time out” message and proceeded to chat on asking me to make calls (which I hate doing) and save dates (which I can’t at the moment because it’s too far in advance to know my schedule) and these are things you just DONT want to talk to me about when I’m grumpy. My poor mother was met with Openly Hostile Me and finally realized that I wasn’t joking about needing to be sent to bed.

I think the only thing that would have pulled me out of my funk yeterday would have been a sword fight.

At least I was nice enough to build a fort for Monster before I retired and gave him games, movies and snacks. He didn’t really suffer.

But today is a much better day. I’m not grumpy any more, so I called my mom to tell her it’s now safe to talk to me. I did a little running around after sleeping in until 10:30 (I had to kick Monster out of bed, he hadn’t gotten up yet either!). After the chiropractor (my hip is doing fairly well under the circumstances, just sos you knows) I wanted to go look at clothes. I missed out on boxing week shopping and was a little sad about that. At the end of my perusal of the consignment store (pretty much the only way I shop because I like hand-me-downs) I found a stash of books by the till. And what should pop into view?

Well, we all know that we haven’t mastered the fine art of sex here. If we had, we’d be pregnant, right? That’s the problem. The overall public consensus. We don’t know how to have sex right.

After a good giggle from both me and the lady working there, I had to get it. She was a little shocked, but how can you go wrong? $1 to find out what I’m missing.

Maybe I’ll actually learn something. 😉 (I’ll let you know if I find anything fun)

Oh, and on a side note, I need to make my next book club pick pretty soon and I’m looking for suggestions. Mo picked my last one for me (Hunger Games) and before that I made them read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. They make me read normal girly books and I like making them read… different ones. So what is your suggestion and why?

Sick shouldn’t be sexy

CD…ummm…early single digets somewhere

Logically, sick should be…unappealing, right? I mean, YAY germs! “Come on over Mr. Mucus” isn’t exactly what runs through your head first when someone has a cold. More like “Run away! Run AWAY!!!” Well that’s no ordinary rabbit. That’s the most foul, cruel and bad-tempered rodent you ever set eyes on!

Hubby was supposed to be gone with work for a couple weeks but ended up coming home after being on stand-by for two days, he’s going back tomorrow to finish up the stint though.

Hubby gets home and all I hear is the door slam and then nothing. I go to the garage to find Hubby lugging in his bags wearing jeans, white runner (for some reason I like white runners and they were new so they were actually still white) and the first ever clean white t-shirt I’ve ever seen on him (he can’t stay clean for the life of him, really). The combo looked particularly good on him…and then he spoke. Out comes this deep, husky, sexy voice and it was all I could do not to throw myself at him. Poor guy spent the next while trying to tell me about his horrible day and finally said “could you stop smiling at me like that!”. I just couldn’t get the shit-eating grin off my face. In the 9.5 years we’ve been together he’s never lost his voice and I was too distracted by how sexy he sounded to give him the sympathy he deserved.

Am I a bad wife? lol.

Of course my grin did fade a bit with the realization that he feels like ass…not so likely to be up for sexy time there.

Seasonal depression

CD 9

No, I’m not really depressed. I’m going through that withdrawal that I go through every time I finish a book series or TV season…or in this case I just watched all 3 seasons of True Blood in the last 3.5 days. Why yes I am a bit tired from staying up late. But it always leaves me with the “well what the heck do I do know?” kinda feeling. And I just found that the next season doesn’t even air untill this summer. Craptastic.

I need my distractions from reality. They are what keep me this sweet, cheerful, smiling, fun-loving self. Me and reality don’t mix well, as you may have notice by my frequent choices of books and shows…and computer games. This is especially applicable when TTC. Must keep stress to a minimum.

I always feel like my friend is missing when I finish something. But it’s ok, I know what to do. I’m can get me some of them life-size cut outs of characters I like so that I can pretend they are my friends. And then I can go to movies and have them sit beside me (BWAHAHAHA, I actually saw a post from a girl who did that). That would be a source of amusement. There’s nothing better than feeling like Edward, Jacob and Bella are truly your friends. Who needs the outdoors when you can hang out with these 2D characters? Real people are so overrated.

My evil plan

Ok, so it’s not that evil, but it’s a plan. Ok, so it’s not a good plan either…but it’s a plan. Here it is. You buy some tight, sexy little dress that there is no way you’re getting into if you gain any weight…then you’ll get pregnant. Flawless, isn’t it.

I’ve been shopping with pretty much one goal for the last 4 years. “Is it growth friendly?”. And let me tell you, it sucks. Before I had Monster I had a style, it was called “tight” with a little extra “skin” in there. I didn’t have it, but I’m the type to figure “if you can make it look like you have it, show it off”. You know those nice cleavage shirts that all the rest of you with the bosoms have? Ya, I’ve got sternum. So my blending friend (also bosomless) and I like to get out “sexy sternum” shirts and dresses. But ever since I had Monster I don’t wear all the sexy clothes that I used to. Part of that is because I no longer fit my only clothes (who wants to see muffin top!?!?! yaya) but then all the clothes that I buy now are, like I said, pregnancy friendly. I’m sure I’ve jinxed myself. I never buy anything fitted or sexy (because really, why do I need to look nice to make dinner?) and I have become the home frump.

So back to my evil plan. I went shopping yesterday and purchased 2 dresses that are not friendly towards weight gain. One of them is even completely impractical untill at least spring. Now I looked at the first one in the store and thought “this is butt ugly”, and it kinda is, but it’s so strange that I love it. It seems to be the new way with me. I love very strange looking clothes. Now it is expansion friendly, just not where it counts, in the boobs. In fact, the bust is so tight, I can’t even wear it with a bra. but that’s fine, it’s so tight it gives the impression of bosoms. The red speaks for itself. How much weight can you gain and still wear that? Both these dresses actually look fantastic on but you can only do so much when you are trying to take a picture of yourself.

The down side is that I have no reason to wear either of these. I might have a wedding next september!

Six month blood work

I know that during this TTC / recurrent miscarriages build your own adventure story, we confront many different obstacles, villains, monsters, and just plain questionable situations.

If you want to take a blind leap into the dark please turn to page 93. If you want to have a clue as to what may be happening, turn to page 71. OK, 71 it is. You find yourself sitting in a little room at a table. The walls are decorated with pictures of pretty uterus’ and a little sign that tells you that IVF is not covered by provincial health care. In walks a Robot speaking Klingon and from what little you can translate you know you are getting many many tests and that you are going to wait a very long time for the results of one of them. Six months you are told for the chromosomal blood work .

If it occurs to you at this point to ask why it takes so long turn to page 122. If you are a little lost and have only caught a fraction of the Klingon translation turn now to page 5. Oh, 5 is a nice number, such a simple number.

Now I’m going on a limb here and assuming that some of you have had chromosomal blood work done. Did it actually take this long and can anyone remember a reason as to the long delay? All I can find on google as far as results is stuff varying from 1 week to four, but nothing saying 6 months! I no longer know what I’m talking about, you guys got a clue for me? What the bleep could take so long?

CD1

Ya, you see it. The Red Lady doth come. Have you ever been so happy to get your period? I actually did a little cheer inside. Of course if I hadn’t been doing those HPT’s and getting BFN’s I’d be completely crushed right now…but as that is not the case I say…

Bring on that coffee!  Frosty’s favorite blend (didn’t know Frosty could tolerate coffee!) And as I lounged in my Lush bath with my coffee, reading my geeky book, I was happy to know that I am finally able to get started again. So I got out, covered myself in sparkles head to toe (thank you Lush for your Shimmy Shimmy bar) because I can, and now I’m going to take the luxury of snuggling with Hubby while watching V for Vendetta. Could you find a better way to start a cycle?

p.s. this may add a little extra sense as to why The Robinsons got to me so bad this morning…lol

What else could this be?

CD 30 DPO 15

I know for most people that being 30 days into a cycle is no big deal. I myself used to have 30-31 day cycle, but that was before either of my miscarriages and I’ve levelled back out at my 26-27 days. I’m trying not to drive myself crazy (trying REALLY hard). I’d even gotten my hopes up that maybe it was just missed. But no, I had another BFN today and there is no way that I wouldn’t have gotten a positive by now if I was pregnant. So now it’s just me being bitter with my body. I’ve got the 99% my period is late, but then there is that 1% little bittle in there making me wonder…what if something else is wrong? I haven’t been super stressed this month (till now, but that’s more a large irritation than a stress), I haven’t been exercising to a point that should even remotely interfere with my cycle, no diet change, no weight change, no illness, no other women around to blend cycles with….I have no clue.

What else could be causing this? I’ve been like clock work since I had my son. A late period is unheard of.

Bad joke

CD 29 DPO 14

This has got to be some kinda joke my body is pulling on me. I’m pissed. Three BFN’s and I’m 2 days late. I didn’t bother POAS today, it just felt pointless now.

And now to celebrate I get to sit in a vet office for the next hour with my cats.

Coffee vote

Ok, I wasn’t going to POAS today, but I had to take Monster to the Dr for a check up and, well, when you are there already….ya. And it’s a BFN of course. Yet, that damn Red Lady isn’t here yet. So whats the vote. Should I just say Frack it and have my damn coffee? I’m getting sicked of waiting with all these negatives. And that coffee is my only not-prego perk. Is there ANY chance that I’d be pregnant? really? if I give into the coffe does that mean I have to give into the litter box too?

The ass chappery

CD 27 DPO 12

So here I wait for the Red Lady. My temps are still up (as up as I get) so maybe that means that it wont come untill tomorrow…but I still think today. I took another HPT this morning…and another BFN. YAY! It makes me feel all warm and fluffy inside! I don’t know, maybe I killed what little wishful thinking I still had yesterday…or not (why else would I have peed on another ass faced stick today?). But I’m not having that same crushed feeling that I normally get, and I doubt it’s because I have that Kona coffee waiting in my freezer for me (really looking forward to that btw). I really thought I’d have had it this month. Actually having my hubby around, actually having sex when needed, who frackin’ knows. Maybe my ass will get more chapped as once my visitor actually arrives.

So I thought I’d dress pretty today. Monster starts preschool again today and the other mom’s usually see me dressed like a complete slob with no make-up and I know I’ve given the impression of someone who cares nothing about their looks…I dont like that. I thought I’d make an effort to not look like a slob and have an “I feel pretty” day. So I put on some tights (three-quarter length) then a cute leopard print shirt that is a touch loose and then a fun crazy belt that I just got (6 mini buckles at the front) and I looked in the mirror. Who did I see? Not I, but Peggy Bundy was in front of me (not helping that my hair is currently red). It was funny enough that I kept it. At least for now.

p.s. I don’t have big hair.