Tag Archive: work


Surrogate

They’re hard to come by, right? I mean, I’ve never know a surrogate or anyone that would even really consider it before.

I admit, I kinda pulled out my Judgy McJudgerson a bit ago when I found out we were getting a new nurse at work. We were all excited (since we’ve pretty much been short-staffed from the get go) but then they (management) told us she was taking the day line that two of our current staff were trying to get put into (each told one of them would have it). We were pissed because they should have first dib having been there from the get go, right? Management told us that she had actually been hired with us right from the start but then she was put on bedrest right before we opened so that’s why we haven’t seen her yet but that she was originally hired for the day line. Turns out that that’s not true (the day line part) but that she told them she was no longer willing to work full-time evenings like she had originally been hired and would only do days. They fed us their BS because they were desperate to have more staff and didn’t want us pissed but failed to mention that to the new girl.

So the McJudgerson part was my original thought, ok fine I thought it out loud in a big blurt being “why is she coming back right now if she just got off bedrest? What, are we going to have her for a week before they realize pacing up and down stairs for 8 hours a day is too much for her and we’ll lose her again?”. Then I’m told she already had the baby and blurt “then what the hell is she doing coming back to work after only 3 weeks?” I’m starting to think that this woman is desperate or crazy and really hoping for desperate cause I’m sick of crazy.

Long story short, she tells me she was a surrogate. She’s got three children of her own and this was her second time being a surrogate for another couple. She just loves being pregnant. “And the perk is that I get to snuggle them up and give them away after”. HAHAHAHAHA. You expect them to say something like “It’s so fulfilling to be able to give a couple the child that they have been longing for and help them make a family” or something. But nope. It was all I could do not to cackle at the irony there.

I didn’t ask her how much she charges to do it, but I REALLY wanted to. I asked if she was planning on doing it again and she said that her plan was for that to be the last, but that she’s starting to get the itch to be pregnant again. So I stuck with telling her that I thought it was really amazing that she was willing to do that for couples in need.

Of course my partner’s reaction was the exact opposite. “What the FUCK!? Why would she do that?” Sadly I think my partners thoughts are closer to the norm.

 

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With everything going on with Mo right now, I should have seen it coming. Bad stuff happens in three’s right? Well, I don’t think I really believe it, but I’ve heard it and it seems to be working its way in here.

I had my first death at work today. Not to say the first time someone has passed away there, just the first time it’s ever happened while I’m working (and this is in almost 7 years of working). It was bound to happen sooner or later. But it still messed with my head. I’m not saying I was a mess over it. I truly believe that she needed to let go because she was suffering so much. And it helped that she passed in her sleep. How many of us get that luxury?

Is that cold of me? I wasn’t at all uncomfortable being in there pronouncing her dead, getting her ready in case the family came in to see her, calling the family. I’m trying to decide if I’m good at dealing with certain things or if I’m just a little too numb to death.

Please stop here. Please don’t bring on a third.

Lets just hope that all the little bad things over the last two days can make up for a third big bad. By the time I went to pick up my son after work and my drink exploded on me (covering me, my drivers and passenger side, my door and dashboard…and the roof), I didn’t even flinch. Just drove my soggy ass to the day home happy that I was only wet and smelled of cherry.

 

The Figurehead

So, I get to work on Saturday, minding my own business (trying to wake up all the way) while waiting for the rest of the day staff to come into the nursing station to get report. As I glance around to see what had happened on my two days off, I see a memo.

(Gist) From E to staff, I will be away from the facility for the 30th, 31st and possibly the 1st. I can be contacted by phone if needed but for any questions or concerns, (me) will be replacing me for those days.

WTF!!!! AHHH! (ok, I’ll admit, I actually gave a vaguely, not to subtle, out loud sqwock when I read the bottom). My boss had been going around for the last two weeks making random comments about running away and recommending me to hold fort (something along those lines but I can’t remember what she actually said other than she’d probably never say anything about holding the fort). I never once took her serious, always replying “Oh yaaaa, of course, no problem. But you can’t actually leave, ever, because nobody wants your job.”

As it turns out she was at least kinda serious about the leaving me as the go-to person when she’s not in the facility. As I primped my feathers in pride, I wished I’d actually had some warning so that I could see what that actually meant and what the heck I had to do.

Sunday night I found a message on my answering machine from Friday from E telling me what was going on and since my phone, internet, and tv had all been down for about 9 hours on friday, the lack of a number on the call display meant that it didn’t occur to me to check the machine.

 At least now I can’t say “why the hell didn’t she tell me?”

But today was a great day, even though it was even busier with me trying to do a few of E’s things. I had a good time taking on some extra responsibility and none of the others seemed to question E’s decision for a moment. I guess that I’ve been the go-to person a lot for most of the day/ evening nurses since we opened (and since they found out that I love to help others and educate myself and them).

Just a little “yay for me”. It’s nice to be recognized as useful.

And to top it off, I left work, IN DAYLIGHT! and I didn’t need my jacket!!!!! It is such a beautiful day outside and I could feel the warm sun beating down on me. I’ll take this 9 over the -40 we had a week ago any day. Sunshine does wonders to perk me up.

 

The definition of frustration

We all are familiar with being frustrated. Over the last while at work, some things have been happening, and I’ve decided to redefine the word.

Frustration: Working on a secured dementia unit during a GI outbreak.

It is not possible to keep anyone on isolation. It is not possible to get them to stop touching each other and everything else, going into each others rooms, eating off each other’s plates.

They can’t remember that they are on isolation. They can’t remember why they shouldn’t go into that room with the isolation sign. They can’t remember that they are sick and that we’re not making it up. Why would we pretend everyone has diarrhea?! Why would we pretend everyone is puking? But they sure as hell are trying to convince me that it’s all one big conspiracy.

And because of that, this shit just wont go away! (ya, I’m a knee slapper).

Oy, my aching hip

I didn’t add this into my last post in the interest of not…piling the shit on too thick? Ya, that sounds about right.

So, one of the down sides to my profession is that I’m not really build to help people physically much. I’m the size of a 10-year-old for crying out loud. But on average that doesn’t stop me.

On Wednesday I had a resident that had taken a big turn for the worse over that past few days since I’d seen him. He went from walking around (wabbley) and being able to hold a conversation (albeit very confused but if you stuck with the “now” it was ok) and being able to tell you what, if anything, was wrong at any given time. But when I got on shift after being located on the other floor for the last few days, he was completely different. He couldn’t get out of bed, was yelling and screaming at random, hitting and grabbing at the staff, and so confused that you couldn’t even reason with him for a moment. And this is a REALLY nice man we’re talking about. He was labelled palliative, eminently dying. He was in so much pain that we were having to give him crazy amounts of drugs to try and make him comfortable, but he wasn’t drinking or eating anything. He was so dehydrated that he was going toxic from the analgesics  (making him WAY loopier) and we were near desperate to convince him that drinking was a good thing.

Closer to the end of my shift I check on him and he says he’s thirsty. SWEET! So here I am trying to help prop up this 200/ 250 lbs guy that is in too much pain/ confusion to help me but no one else is available and if I wait he’ll forget that he waned the drink. I honestly didn’t think it would be such a struggle. I was still used to him moving on his own. So when I was doing shift change report 30 min later and my hip was a little sore I was thinking “damn it, I guess that was more awkward than I thought”.

Another 30 minutes later driving my partner home and picking up Monster, it actually hurt to drive. I called my boss just to let her know that I may or may not have hurt myself more than just a little and if it was still an issue after a hot shower and a night sleep I’d come in so we could fill out some WCB forms (workers comp forms, don’t know if it’s different in different countries).

I spent that evening between laying and standing because sitting didn’t feel so hot. The next morning I was pretty sore still so I booked a chiropractor appointment and came into work to fill out the forms. Turns out I’d pulled a nasty strain on my left SI joint and it was worse than I’d thought. H (my chiropractor) told me the whole “ice 3 x daily for three days, no lifting/ puling/ pushing, lots of laying down, and I’ll see you tomorrow after your acupuncture”. I was sore but doable that day. The next day after acupuncture and more being cracked I went home knowing that I was going to be hurting. AND HURT I DID! Getting that hip back in is NOT FUN! I was so sore that I was nearly in tears all day and I have a very high pain tolerance. She also told me I wasn’t allowed to got to work Sunday (today) and I’d be on modified duties for ~2 weeks.

Well, it still is uncomfortable if I sit for long but I feel much better than I was before. But my main problem has become I’m bored stiff. I was more than happy to lay around reading for a couple days, watching tv for variety, Hubby cooking meals, but that’s old now. I’ve gotten used to moving around and DOING things.

This is going to be me pretty soon

I NEED SOMETHING TO DO!!!!!!!!

Anyone up for a hip swap?

I know I haven’t given much of an update about my working full-time now, just bittles here and there. But easily put, I really like my job. I like being back at work, talking to adults, using my brain for more than finding ways to entertain my preschooler, being forced to socialize again because even though I knew I had become a hermit it turns out that it was worse than I’d realized. I’m being a productive member of society. I’m not in any way saying that raising my son is not being productive, but I realize now that being ONLY at home with him and almost no social / support network (sorry but virtual socializing just doesn’t seem to count enough to prevent hermitizing but you guys did keep me from being completely insane) was really not good for me.

I’ve felt amazing since going back to work. Being physically active (I’m eating like a pig and losing weight from how much motoring around I’m doing) is great. I’m not feeling as tired any more. But the best part is that I’ve been pulled out of the heavy depression that I didn’t realize that I’d been in, building up over the last few years. Did you know you could suffer double depression? Last winter was horrible for me, but I didn’t realize the depression I suffered was only on top of a depression that had slowly built up over time.

Ok, I’m rambling, and on to the downer part of the post. You may remember that the only reason I was able to accept the position was that by some miracle in my small town, I was able to find a day home that was agency run AND did weekends. Finding child care here is nearly impossible for those that don’t work monday – friday 9-5. So, Dec 23rd at about 11pm as I’ve got everything ready for Christmas eve, I decided to go through Monsters back pack and read the journal S keeps for him about all day home stuff.

Inside is a letter of termination of care.

I re-read it about 10 times thinking that I was misunderstanding something. But I wasn’t. She’s got just as much problems with fertility/ pregnancy as all of us here and she’s having a really hard time in her pregnancy now (which she only opened up about a few weeks back). I was DEVASTATED. I cried all night and all Christmas eve. May sound like an over reaction, but it means so much more than just having to find a new day home.

Losing child care that I really like. The knowledge that I may very well not be able to find a replacement willing to do weekends. Not an exaggeration since I’ve spent three years here trying to find reliable childcare. The knowledge that if I can’t, I’ll have to quit my job. The only reason Hubby was able to take his promotion to assistant manager (which was a slight pay cut) was because I was now working so if I quit he’ll have to quit and go back into the field. That if I’m not working I’ll be drawn right back into that horrible place that I didn’t know I was in, stuck at home all the time not seeing anyone and looking at the constant reminder that I may be an at home mom but I can’t seem to bring any more children into this world to raise, rubbing my secondary infertility in my face. I’m terrified of going back there.

We’re just leaving out the obvious part about wanting her pregnancy to go well.

Can’t say that it helps that this is the fourth time I’ve lost child care and the fourth time it’s been to pregnancy. Just in case I needed that little extra face rub.

So I’m staring at the potential of everything we’ve worked for and achieved over the last few month flushing down the drain because it all depends on one thing that we have so little control of.

I’m more numb to it now. I’ve got less that two weeks to find a solution or lose my job.

So please, I’m asking you to all send your prayers, good thoughts, or anything more helpful than cheese string my way. Cross everything you’ve got that I can find someone willing/ able/ and responsible enough to take care of my son.

The schitty alternative

Today was an awesome day at work. Not that everything was perfect, but even the bad things went smoothly. I even had to call an ambulance for a resident because we couldn’t get her chest pain under control, but unless you saw the paramedics come or go, you’d have had no idea there was an issue. Why? ‘Cause I don’t panic. I just get it done.

There was this big giant who ha at work today hosting a bunch of big wigs and my boss’s boss was super nervous about it all yesterday and this morning. I spent a good chunk of time just helping him chill both days. Why? Well, I guess he finds me calming. Good news for me I guess. He even told me that he’s been hearing great feedback about me from everyone. Can’t complain too much except that he keeps making me late getting off work trying to feed me cake. It’s his way of celebrating everything. Cake. Cake out the ying yang. I don’t care for cake. But he’s always determined that I’m present before he makes his pre-cake announcements. He tracked me down after the big wigs left and gave me the “did the mayor see you?! I really wanted the mayor to see you. I hope you were here when we came by but I didn’t see.” I just paused as gave a “they all saw me in passing, I was keeping busy”. AKA, I didn’t want to just stand there looking pretty for them all to stare at. That makes me nervous. I gave a little way to my direct boss and I calmly but quickly walked by them all (leaving my office when they arrived).

I hope I don’t make him sound creepy here, he’s just really nice and has taken a liking to me.

But of course as that all finished up and I was about to leave work… That BITCH did showeth. A schitty alternative to what we all hope for.

Id had my hopes up. I felt fine, no spotting, my boobs were even not sore for a change. I’d been fantasizing about my “amazing christmas miracle/ present” or whatever it was my co-worker had said last week. So that was a little let down.  But I try to console myself in the fact that my life is pretty good right now and I really like my job and my sweet Monster and I are planning on watching Home Alone tonight for a giggle. He hasn’t seen it but I thought he’s like watching the burglars get bashed in the face with paint cans. Good lessons we teach our children 😉  .

A little cheese with that whine

Ok, I have to say that in all honesty, everything is going well. I’ve been working (post-training) for three weeks now full-time and I do like my job. Most of the people I work with are pretty nice and Monster is happy with his day home and she’s managing taking him to and from school ok so far.

But I have to whine right now. I am feeling …a little sorry for myself? President of the pity party comity? Desirous of throwing a 5-year-old style “give me the bonbons” tantrum? Ya. Go team me. My life is good and I just want to sit down and cry my eyes out right now. Why? Because I miss my son.

We all know that I’m fortunate enough to not HAVE to work (although it makes life a LOT easier if I do). So we wanted me to work half-time to take the load off us financially. But I got more or less bullied into full-time. But full-time here is 9 shifts per two weeks, not ten (yay a bit) so that’s one more day I still get with Monster. But since we’re just opening and havent trained all the staff we need, I’m working overtime. 11 shifts in two weeks.

I’m not getting into the boring details, but this was supposed to be my weekend off and I agreed to work OT on sunday because they were desperate. I didn’t give a shit about the money, I just wanted to keep the “you scratch my back, I scratch yours” system in place with the scheduler (who is great to me). But then my one day off got taken by errands that needed to be done and Monster was too tired to stay out with me and I couldn’t find what I needed and ended up taking ten billion kagillion times longer than planned.

So I had no time with him today to just chill. I’ve been so burnt out trying to get used to being back at work and still doing everything I do at home (because Hubby is still gone a lot) that I’ve barely seen him over the last few weeks. I was REALLY looking forward to spending the weekend with him. I just keep thinking that we try so hard to have babies and right now I’m not even able to appreciate the one I have fully because I’ve been too dead and busy.

I know he’s having fun at Gramma’s but I WANT MY BOY! I’m so lonely for him right now.

I just have to keep reminding myself that I really do like my job and actually being productive outside of my own house and that it will get better soon. But when I get my boy back tomorrow, he’s not leaving my side until I have to drop him off at the day home the next day.

I’ll just deal with Darth Vader’s snoring. I’m a big girl, I can suck it up.

Up side down life

(Disney princesses table dancing! lol)

CD2

As The Red Lady’s way of laughing at me, she arrived on my way to the store to buy some HPT’s. No joke.

So, my life has taken a massive turn as of yesterday. I accepted a full-time job and I start on Monday. I found a day home to put Monster in, she’s going to try taking him to and from school and I’m really hoping that works out because he will be completely heart-broken if I have to pull him out all together. I’m already going to be taking him out of most if not all of his music classes and the nursery time at church for my MOPS and bible study where he gets to play with other kids his age. So if schools out, there will only be him and really little kids. Lets hope that the transporting to and from school works out ok.

I’m pretty nervous about going back full-time. I guess I’ll no longer be an at home mom, like we had planned for me until all our children were in elementary school. I wanted to work half-time, or casually…but they kept calling asking for me to fill various full-time lines and eventually I guess I let them bully me into taking one. On the up side, we could really use the extra money. On the really up side, if it doesn’t works with our lives or Monster doesn’t deal with this well…or if I hate the job…I can quit! We don’t need the money, it just brings on these fantasies of ripping out this awful Asthma Bane carpet for hardwood and having a savings account actually mean something (like not living pay check to pay check).

The horror is that I’m now going to be getting up at a minimum of 3 hours earlier than I’m used to and having to drag a very much non-morning child around with me. I’m going to be very tired until I can reprogram myself into a new schedule.

 You think there is any chance that I’ll get pregnant now that I’m going back to work?

A productive member of society

Today was actually a decent day. I worked! can you believe it? I haven’t worked since early November. but today I happened to be able to take a shift and I put in my 12 hrs at the hospital.

I was a bit nervous seeing as it had been so long and as how I’ve been so scatter-brained lately, but it proved to be a good distraction for me. Maybe working more will help get me out of this funk better. I was so good to not be able to think about things for a good chunk of the day because I had to worry about meds and my patients and procedures and helping my partner when she needed me. I had a vomitter on one end and a pneumonia pt on the other that had taken off (or some how no longer had on) his oxygen and they kept me on my toes most day. All my people were great (as patients, if not so much in health) and I was reminded how much I love my job (yes even with the vomit). In the years (can’t remember how many which is bad cause I’m only 28) that I’ve done this work I’ve had less than a hand full of “bad” patients. My theory is that if I’m good and nice to them, they return that favor, and it’s been working all this time so why mess with a good thing. Not to say I’m a soft and sweet nurse, I’m all about tough love, but they always know it’s strong on the love side.

I’m looking forward to spring because not only does it bring better weather, but it bring Hubby home more, and more work for me. We made an agreement that I wouldn’t work out of town during the winter because of the off-chance that I’d get stuck in the city during a storm and Hubby doesn’t want me risking my neck in a storm just for some extra cash that we can live without. So since I can’t pre-book shifts in my town, almost ever, I really just never work in the winters. I’m a three season staff member I guess. But it’s not going to be much longer now and I’ll be able to be a casually(~4-8 days a month, lol) productive member of society again.