Category: Acupuncture

The grump

CD 27 HPT – (no shit)

I’m grumpy. I have no reason to be, but I am. On the up side, Hubby is out of town and I don’t need to try to hide it from him (I just feel like a downer when I’m outwardly least to him). Dont you ever just want to walk up to someone and say “Take THAT!” and walk away. It’s not offensive enough to hurt their feelings (I always feel bad about hurting feelings, even a stranger) so at most they think you’re crazy… I really couldn’t care less about that. I’ve been labelled the “nut job” from day one. But I’m grumpy, and using that word makes me feel like a kid and so I want to do childish things like throw a tantrum and of course thinking of all the stupid things I’d like to do just makes me laugh. At least my grump is slightly joyful. Maybe I’ll walk around outside and keep yelling “asshat” over and over.

My acupuncturist’s goal was to level out my moods. She was afraid that with the crazy exuberance I’ve been going through that I was going to have some super crash to compensate for it. Well she sure brought me down. Go team Tonya, you win. To be fair she did say “if you want to keep it don’t get on my table”. I’m also feeling too mellow about the grump to care too much.

And you know what really chaps my ass?! When you get your nails done and they don’t paint to the edges. I’m sorry, but I can paint my whole frackin nail without painting my hands along with, you should venture forth into the world and see that it looks stupid when the nail is painted in the middle only. Quit your frackin job and get a new one. Work in fast food where they seem to encourage you to only put the condiments in the middle of the bun and have the rest bare. You shall excel.

CD 25

I really don’t have a lot of hope here, my temps have stayed a steady low…but what if just maybe I was pregnant anyways? Wouldn’t that be just swell? I’m so tired of the waiting. I think that maybe if I could get some goods between the bads, it would just make this feel a bit more doable.

Today taking Monster to preschool, one of the other moms said to me “you should have more” to keep me company while Monster is at school or just to keep me occupied? I know she didn’t mean anything by it, and I probably do stare at her baby more than a normal stranger does, but it just had that hit to it. “Working on it” was all I could manage. The lobby of the church preschool is not exactly the place for a “well I’m trying but the survival rate for my children is at a known 33% so maybe less so far” comment. She’s kinda the only mom there that talks to me too, so I don’t want to come off as a bitch. I guess I’m not too good at making friends, lol. Maybe they can’t take my realness never mind, that a joke with my hubby.

The acupuncturist said that it felt like my period was coming or that I’m just doing really well because my pulse was really strong for a change. Lets hope it’s just from all that exercising I’ve been doing. Although I blew my “exercised every day this year” routine because I was at mummy’s this weekend and was too distracted on saturday to remember. So then I got lazy yesterday too. I knew if I missed one it was all down hill from there. But I got on that stairmaster today and watched  the first half of Clash of the Titans while I did my thing. And yes, it is an awful movie…and yes, I do intend on watching the rest. It’s bad, but at least it not boring like that Robert Pattinson one where he’s a strange teenager who has a shrink move in with him, don’t remember the name, but I got half way though and turned it off. And I NEVER turn something off when I’ve already started it (other than to pause).

On a good note, the acupunturist says that we’re all good to boot the herbs. They seemed to start having a reverse effect on me so now we’re just going to make sure that none of my symptoms that the herbs were for come back with a vengeance.

Developed tolerance

CD 21 DPO 6

At my acupuncture visit today I explained how I feel like I’m going a bit backwards again. I’m still head ache free (YAY!) but my energy level is going back down, my sleep is going to crap (although I’m still having those nice fun vivid dreams that she’s trying to get rid of, that will be a downer), I’m having a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning, and the last few days I’ve been the acid reflux queen. All those awesome benefits I was feeling from the herbs before I’m not feeling anymore. I mentioned it was just like me and pain killers. I’ve got some freakish system where I can take something once and it’s ok (not miracle or anything, but taking off an edge) but then the next time I try it I get nothing. I can take enough T3’s, morphine, demerol, or fentanyl to kill me but I wont get any of the benefit…or any reaction period actually (this being the main reason why I wasn’t on meds for my migraines pre-acupuncture). I’ve got an immense pain tolerance but that’s likely due to a lifetime of just having to “suck it up”.

When I mentioned that she said it’s very likely that I could be having a similar problems with the herbs, so she’s going to start tweaking them so I’m getting something different each time but that should be doing the same stuff. So fingers crossed here that this will bring me back to the realm of the living.

The needles today were chalked full of cool. She said that I’m backed up internally and so she has to bring everything downwards (rough interpretation here because she uses the chi and chakra talk that I don’t get and I often forget the explanations she uses with then, but she does tell me so it’s not her fault). She put a bunch in my feet  (even between my big and second toes) and my ankles and shins. then the hands as always, and a diamond pattern on my stomach. “Dont be bothered if you start gurgling” as she walked out the door. Whats that mean? I haven’t eaten yet, is that what she’s talking about? why are my abs flexing without my say-so? interesting. WTF? my stomach is doing the wave (like at a sports game). This feels cool. It’s like I’m a slow motion water-bed. And then I spent the next 20 minutes snuggled under the infrared heater (gotta get me one o’ them) thinking how nice it would be if someone were to come and read me a comic book (a favored relaxation method from high school) and enjoying the wave.

After that was the day 21 progesterone test (I’m speculating low this cycle, we’ll see). of course I bolted out of the house for my appointment this morning directly (almost) out of the shower so I had neither brushed hair (because it was wet when I left, obviously) nor make-up on. I sure look like a beauty let me tell you. I had a few “I almost didn’t recognize you”‘s plus some second look surprised glances (did I mention that my lab is actually the hospital in town and I work there so everyone knows me?). Ya not doing that again any time soon. As my mother has often told me “why don’t you go put on some make-up” should have been heeded before I left, lol.

Giant splatter


I made it back for an acupuncture appointment today. It’s been three weeks since my last one and I was supposed to be in last monday but stupidly forgot about my appointment until after I had left town for the day. Luckily my lady was nice enough not to charge me the missed appointment fee for calling in only 3 hrs in advance (I doubt I’d get that if it happened again). This last week I’ve been sleeping awful (my herbs ran out about 1.5 weeks ago) and I’ve been getting some mild head aches so I was really happy to get back in. My hubby had gone in to see her this morning (for his 3 yr old mono) and she’s putting us both on herbs now to get us feeling fine and hopefully soon that libido might kick in there. Wouldn’t it be loverly?

So once I put Monster to bed I’ll be treating myself to some laughter therapy (hopefully) and watching some B quality comedy movies. Any of you watched “The expendables” yet? not supposed to be a comedy of course, but it gave me a good laugh. I can’t believe how old Stallone and Schwarzenegger look now. And that shot gun that blows people up in one shot with a giant splatter? man I could have fun with that on a bad day (or a good one for that matter). I wonder if there are any pumpkins left lying around…they’d make a great splat, hey?

Any recommendations for a good funny movie? obviously my standards are not too high here, I’m a big fan of Zombieland, Monty Python, Buffy, anything with sarcastic humour. Turns out I’ll really watch anything, so I discovered when my hubby sat me down to the trailer park boys (yes, it’s awful and yes, I laughed my ass off)

Today after my acupuncture appointment I decided that I’d get some groceries. Big thing due to the fact that today was the first day I could make it out of my driveway since the blizzard hit. As with my other appointments, I found that I was super relaxed (I became the  dwarves Dopey and Marshmallow Head). So it took me 2 hours to get groceries. Do you think my son was bored by this point? just a bit. It didn’t help that I hadn’t eaten more than half a pb&j sandwich today yet. So my quick outing put lunch at 2:30. Poor kid.

My mom had been playing phone tag with me all morning and when I finally got ahold of her, she told me that my brother and his wife are having problems with the pregnancy. GREAT! that’s a way to brighten a day. I just about burst out in tears when I hung up the phone. I don’t care how little I get along with her, but I can’t stand the idea of something going wrong again. Of course my mom really doesn’t know anything and it’s all speculation from blood work but it’s just such an awful possibility.

When I had my son we told the Dr.s going into tests and ultrasounds that we didn’t want to know anything that could be potentially “wrong” unless there was something we could do about it. For us, it made no difference if our child had a deformity or downs or anything because it would not change what we would do (ie, continue on with the pregnancy as best we could to give our child the best chance possible). But then after one of the ultrasounds, I got a call at work saying that there were bright spots on the baby’s heart. I freaked out. “my baby has a heart problem”. My boss told me to just leave and I bolted for the obstetrician’s office only to have them tell me “this is a sign that your baby may have downs” or something else in that ball park. I was ready to kill. We had been so specific that we didn’t want this info, this extra stress for no reason and here I am, doing everything I can not to strangle this woman. “I understand if you want to change obstetrician’s, I’m so sorry”. Bull, why would I just go to another office and have THEM not listen to me either?

So what I’m saying it that, since I have no idea what is going on, all I can hope for is that it’s this kind of information. The kind that sounds catastrophic but turns out to just be a marker of a “it may be such and such” where things are usually completely normal. So as a non religious person that sometimes prays out of desperation (as someone else accurately put it), I’m asking if you guys could maybe do it too. That everything will be good for their baby, because we’ve lost too many already.

My uterus tea

So, an update on the tea. This mix is supposed to build up that there uterus. It’s one of the better tasting ones according to my acupuncture lady, which, really, it’s not awful. On the other hand, it’s not great. It has a sweetness to it, but the main taste is kinda fungusy. Kinda like mixing dry mushrooms and goji berries (i know, doesn’t sound great). I’ve been adding extra goji berries into the tea to help assist with the flavor (makes it much better) and I’ve left a message with my lady to see if that’s a big no-no or not. I’m hoping it’s all good seeing as she told me that having the goji berry tea would be good for me every day. She should get back to me this morning sometime. I’m having to take two scoops twice a day (they are very tiny scoops) for a week and a half. Other than that, I just have to guard it from my son who keeps climbing on the counter trying to see what’s inside. Apparently showing him wasn’t good enough. I’m going to walk into the kitchen and find this stuff sprinkled over everything at some point.

On another note about my acupuncture, I’m still migraine and head ache free and I’m starting to feel normal temps (or at least a little closer). Not a hot flash to be found, and I’m starting to feel when it’s cold in my house (rather than just bundling up my son and strutting in shorts and a tank top). And I’m starting to sleep shorter hours and feel more rested. Pretty good perks I’d say.

Yay for the uterus!

I went back for my second appointment this morning.  I have to say that I’m already encouraged to keep seeing this woman. I can’t say that my sleep has gotten drastically better (or that I’ve really noticed a change at all), but I have officially gone a week without a migraine or headache!!!! That is so amazing for me. And I’ve been feeling pretty good for the last few days especially. I don’t know if that is an acupuncture side effect, or just the sub-side effect of going so long without wanting to cut out the right side of my head. I’m loving whatever she’s done.

So this time going in, no panic attack, no hyperventilating, no “am I going to faint?”. I was cool as a cucumber. yay for having gotten past the scary part. I trust her now. But of course now she wants to get a bit more “vigorous” with the needling. Instead of the 5 Barbie needles of last time she used the next size up, 3 in each leg, 1 in each hand, 1 over my uterus (yay for the uterus!), and the 1 on top of my head again. So 10 today. Working on getting my blood flowing (especially to that there uterus) and on Wednesday I’m picking up some lovely (likely gag worthy) tea to help build it all up down there. To be honest, I understand none of this chi and essence talk, so I’m not able to pass on all the proper details of what she says she’s doing, but I’m just going with it. And hey, if I ever think “is this really doing anything?” I need only take notice of this non-crippled head of mine.

oh, and, not a hot flash in a week either!

So, I did it

Ok, I went in there, had to fill out the novel of paperwork of a first visit and by the time I was going into her office I was starting a panic attack, sweating, and felt like I just might faint. “wow” I’m thinking “Isn’t this a huge overreaction?” but logic holds little place in my world. The girl treating me could obviously see what was going on and tried settling me  with “it’s ok, we don’t have to use needles, there lots of other things we can try”. But ridiculous as I can be, I’m also very stubborn. “Nope, just do it, I’m not going to have gotten this worked up for nothing.”

After an hour of talking and going through my history (and I must say, by now I’d calmed down considerably) I laid down on the table to let her stab me. And she pulls out needles that you’d think Barbie would use. A little giggle there, minus that they were needles, they were so CUTE! Anyways, she said that my body was exhausted and that before anything else could be handled, we have to get that under check. She stuck a needle into each hand, each foot and one into the top of my head (didn’t even feel that one until she tapped it).

Now I’m thinking ” that was almost non-existent, I can finally let go of the fear and stress of this” YAY. She turns off the lights, tells me to say here and relax, then I have ~15 or so minutes of quite. But now I’m getting curious about these needles so I move my hands around a bit (ok, feel a bit of a nerve in my right hand, weird) and continue to relax. When she came in to take them out I waved at her and got the “don’t move, you could hit a nerve” oops, I think I’ve already done that, hope that’s not a big deal…

I’m going to book another appointment next week and then she’s going to try and put a concoction of chinese herbs together for me to make an awful twice a day tea.

I had to giggle after. I felt SOOOOO sleepy. she said that’s pretty normal (and not bad since she said we need to get my body rested) and then told me to get some rest and “If you feel like crying, just go for it, let it go, and then have a great sleep”. I thought that was odd, but figured it was a joke about the fact that any silly thing makes me cry (anything really sad, happy or emotional in general…or the intro to “My friend Rabbit” on treehouse TV) but then I went to pick up cat food on the way home and was talking to the clerk  (in the I’m so tired now that my tongue feels too big for my mouth, kinda way) and she said that she used to get acupuncture as a teen “and it always made me really tired and then I’d have a huge cry, and then I’d feel like a million bucks”. Lol, good to know, I guess is wasn’t a joke.

Now I have to hang in until nap time. And Monster doesn’t even appear remotely tired…this may be a long day. Lets hope it’s migrain free.

I’m leaving in half an hour to face my fear of needles. I’ve spent the last few day trying to pretend that it’s not going to happen (somewhat successfully actually). Alls I can say it that this better be at least productive in one area. If i can get rid of the hot flashes (which I’ve had a miraculous last 4 or 5 days since the last, nearly unheard of period of time!) or the migraines (increased to at least 3 a week over the last couple months) than I’d still say it was ok. But I really am hoping that I get some results on the fertility / miscarriage front.

I know that a lot of people have had more than two miscarriages. My own aunt and uncle suffered through 8!!! can you believe it?! how can you find the strength to keep going after that?! Of course after that they adopted my beautiful, sweet cousin. I’m not opposed to adoption, and neither is my husband. To be honest, I’d like to adopt, but I’d really like to have more of my own first. I’m not ready to stop trying, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to say that if we suffer another one.

So lets hope that this acupunturist has some experience and knowledge base about treatment for me. And let’s be honest, lets hope I don’t make myself look like a fool and cry. I’ve successfully gone over a year since the last time I cried during blood work, that’s a start! Keep your fingers crossed for me.

First thing I have to say it that I am…casually terrified of needles. Great at giving them, but don’t you bring that thing towards me unless you want to see me cry…like a bit of a sissy. hey, we all have our quirks. And at least I have the legitimate reason that as a child getting blood work done, it always went wrong. Anywhere from techs that REALLY suck at what they are doing, veins nearly bursting, needle in (and you can see it’s in the vein) but no blood coming out, having to be stabbed a billion times for one vial, and twice TWICE I’ve had needle break after insertion! And when these things happen and they don’t get what they want, they make you come back later to be tortured again (once you’ve relaxed some).

So when my girlfriend calls me up to say she heard about acupuncture to help fertility I wasn’t very keen on the idea. After her harassing me (a lot) i figured I’d at least look it up. To my surprise, there was actually stuff about acupuncture for miscarriage prevention – one link is below. Ok, this has my attention, but I still don’t want to do it. It helped that I had that handy (yet kinda flimsy) excuse of not being able to take my toddler to an appointment with me in the city since I don’t currently have a babysitter. Yet she kept on it (she can be very persistent at times).

Then the other day I get a call from her, “guess what we’ve just got in town?”. I was really hoping she’d say a shoe store. “we have an acupuncturist starting at one of the chiropractor offices”. 4 chiropractor offices and no shoe store. So then she gives me the lack of excuse “you book an appointment and I’ll babysit”.

When this all started a few months ago, I wasn’t even ready to start trying to get pregnant again. But now I am, and like I said in a previous post, I’m willing to try about anything to make it work. But I’m REALLY not good with the idea of somebody coming at me with a crap load of needles! And then my mom laughed at me (ok, so I’ve laughed at her too at times). But SHE KNOWS my fear! And I understand, it’s irrational, very little bad has happened to me with needles as an adult. And the few people I’ve talked to about this have all told me that it’s no big deal and you can barely feel it and have really encouraged me to try it out. Even with my parents, husband and friend urging me on I’m still really nervous. But it’s booked, so I’m going. Seriously though , I’ve been dreaming about it at night, not a good start. Who’s going to hold my hand while I get stabbed? lol.