Archive for December, 2010

post test yeast

CD 22 DPO 7

Lets get a bit experimental here. And if you’re squirmy, don’t read past this.

I’ll start by explaining that I used to get chronic yeast infection. I would treat them and they would never go away. I had them so long that I wouldn’t even know I had them. Kinda like a kid with chronic ear infections is so used to them that they never react and you finally notice crap oozing out their ear. So when I got my antibiotic Rx for my HSG procedure a few weeks ago, I thought to myself “that’s asstastic, is this going to start again?”. On boxing day I noted some discomfort, the next day I realized that “yep, it’s here”. So i went to the store….but I got distracted and forgot to get myself something to treat this. “how the $^@& do you get distracted from this?” you may say, but like I pointed out…chronic, got used to it, starts to be bothersome when I’m not distracted. So after that I was really just too lazy to go back out and after that…did I mention I’m easily distracted?

So here comes the question. Anyone found any good home remedies? I’m a fan of doing things naturally and usually have a bit more luck with natural things too. Anyone tried yogurt? Not orally? Let me know if there has been anything that has really worked for you.

Developed tolerance

CD 21 DPO 6

At my acupuncture visit today I explained how I feel like I’m going a bit backwards again. I’m still head ache free (YAY!) but my energy level is going back down, my sleep is going to crap (although I’m still having those nice fun vivid dreams that she’s trying to get rid of, that will be a downer), I’m having a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning, and the last few days I’ve been the acid reflux queen. All those awesome benefits I was feeling from the herbs before I’m not feeling anymore. I mentioned it was just like me and pain killers. I’ve got some freakish system where I can take something once and it’s ok (not miracle or anything, but taking off an edge) but then the next time I try it I get nothing. I can take enough T3’s, morphine, demerol, or fentanyl to kill me but I wont get any of the benefit…or any reaction period actually (this being the main reason why I wasn’t on meds for my migraines pre-acupuncture). I’ve got an immense pain tolerance but that’s likely due to a lifetime of just having to “suck it up”.

When I mentioned that she said it’s very likely that I could be having a similar problems with the herbs, so she’s going to start tweaking them so I’m getting something different each time but that should be doing the same stuff. So fingers crossed here that this will bring me back to the realm of the living.

The needles today were chalked full of cool. She said that I’m backed up internally and so she has to bring everything downwards (rough interpretation here because she uses the chi and chakra talk that I don’t get and I often forget the explanations she uses with then, but she does tell me so it’s not her fault). She put a bunch in my feet  (even between my big and second toes) and my ankles and shins. then the hands as always, and a diamond pattern on my stomach. “Dont be bothered if you start gurgling” as she walked out the door. Whats that mean? I haven’t eaten yet, is that what she’s talking about? why are my abs flexing without my say-so? interesting. WTF? my stomach is doing the wave (like at a sports game). This feels cool. It’s like I’m a slow motion water-bed. And then I spent the next 20 minutes snuggled under the infrared heater (gotta get me one o’ them) thinking how nice it would be if someone were to come and read me a comic book (a favored relaxation method from high school) and enjoying the wave.

After that was the day 21 progesterone test (I’m speculating low this cycle, we’ll see). of course I bolted out of the house for my appointment this morning directly (almost) out of the shower so I had neither brushed hair (because it was wet when I left, obviously) nor make-up on. I sure look like a beauty let me tell you. I had a few “I almost didn’t recognize you”‘s plus some second look surprised glances (did I mention that my lab is actually the hospital in town and I work there so everyone knows me?). Ya not doing that again any time soon. As my mother has often told me “why don’t you go put on some make-up” should have been heeded before I left, lol.

A geek of many kinds

I just got an email from my local soap etc supply store and they are having a complete face care workshop on the 15th!! so pumped!!! Yes, some may wonder why I’m so excited but I love making my own products. I was so successful with my last soap batch…that turned out to be nice enough for a cleanser (I was trying to make a moisturizing soap to help with the dry skin/ stretch mark prevention) that it got me to thinking that I could really go for branching away from just soap. It’s not cheap, but they provide supplies and then from there I’ve got the know how to do it myself and cheaply!

Lets see here, other things that I want to learn…

how to silk screen (you knew that), how to use my telescope (because apparently you can’t just look through the damn thing), mountain climbing (the only sporty thing I’d be good at because it requires that monkey nature I was born with), Fencing / Broad sword (more keen on the broad sword, maybe d/t watching 300 too many times), scuba diving, and to become more familiar with comic books. There are (many) others, but that’s what is on the top of my head at the moment. Immersion in another culture is always fun and if I wasn’t languagely inept I’d put learn German on the list too so I could talk to my family. I’d put salsa dancing if I had any coordination, but sadly I’ve learned otherwise (that’s not exaggeration, my hubby is in full agreement. you should have heard him when I said I was doing a burlesque class for a staggette in october).

So, I haven’t stopped peeing all day ( or so it feels like). I’ve been drinking, but not to the extent that I’m peeing, I think. I’ve never associated frequent trips to the loo with initial pregnancy untill reading other blogs recently and apparently I’m the only one that didn’t think so. So now I’m over thinking it, and I know it’s just wishful thinking. Maybe. What am I saying, I’d only be 4 days pregnant. How is it that you are so suspicious so soon.

Ovulation detected

Alls I can say is why the bleep does it take 4 days to detect ovulation? Yes, fertility friend just told me what I was already sure about, I ovulated day 15, and it’s taking some time for my temps to catch up with me. We’ll see what they do the next couple days and I’ll make that progesterone guess before my labs again.

On the up side….

I made a cork board today. Ok, I know that you’re looking at me like a freak, but I have a thing for sticky notes and organization and my hubby is not thrilled with them being left all over the house (plus he keeps accidentally throwing them out or using them for his notes). So I got this huge beautiful wood frame that must have had a mirror in it before and I made me a beautiful cork board. This kinda goes along with my strange love of stationary.  I also have the desire to paint an entire wall into a chalk board but I can’t see my hubby letting me do that since he already told me he doesn’t want me writing on the walls.

No increase again

CD 18

So all signs pointed to day 15 ovulation…except of course the lack of CM and the big old no temp rise…again. Last time I had no temp rise we found I did actually ovulate, but that my progesterone level was awful. Last month was a good spike and I had super awesome progesterone. So does that mean that I have low progesterone again? or is this a non-ovulation? I go for another day 21 prog test on Wednesday, and I think I’m going to ask my dr to keep checking me for another few months (provided that I don’t get pregnent…and lets face it, that’s the less likely event). I wish that I had my follow-up with the fertility specialist sooner than the end of next month. Of course there is still one more CD 2 blood work to be done, but they have everything else. I’m very irritated with my body right now (that includes my new-found pudge).

So I shall cheer myself with Lush baths, Warcraft, Big Bang Theory (season 2 and 3), my new book selection (incl. cheesy comics), and picking through products to make myself some new soap and other skin products. Yes these are the things that make me happy. All to top off with learning how to use my new silk screener and making shirts that make sense to no one but myself.

Merry Christmas

So it is officially christmas now and I’m avoiding going to bed. I’m tired, but everything has been so crazy for the last couple weeks that I just want to enjoy my quite time.

I doubt that many of you are spending christmas like me. I went against everything I was raise with and told my mummy we were spending the day at home. That didn’t get a hissy fit like I originally expected (gotta give her credit there) but I think she was originally thinking maybe everyone would just come over. I would have been ok with that, knowing everyone that would come really wouldn’t add up to a freakish amount of people and no one can tell me to get out of my pajamas at my own house. But in the end the plan was for everyone to be at my mummy’s and we didn’t change our minds about going home. I don’t think that sunk in untill we got up this evening and said “alright, we’re off, merry christmas everyone”. My mummy tried holding my son hostage with snuggles but mom trumps gramma every time for an over tired kid with a ruptured eardrum.

So off to my house I drive. And it was quiet. Ahhhhhhhhhh, so nice.

Then all there was to do was sprinkle oats outside for the reindeer, cookies and milk for Santa, stalkings filled and put the hubby to bed (he’s sick so needs to be babied). And here I am. Tomorrow (or later today more accurately) I get to sleep in, open presents, stay in my pj’s aaaaaaaaaaall day, have a brunch of anything I want, watch movies, read, maybe a little “big bang theory”, maybe a long bath with my lush, maybe some x-box, maybe a little warcraft…whatever I want. probably throw in a sleigh ride in there for good measure. And I’m making a big ass turkey dinner for just us. Because I can. Of course I’ll have to con some people over for left-overs later on, but that’s not a problem.

So whatever you are doing, have a great day and relax…and try to keep in those pj’s.

CD 16 (don’t read if you are on a need to know basis only)

So I’m on day 16 and I have ovulated day 14 on the dot  for the last few cycles, normally very obvious with the signs (high, soft, ++CM), but not this time. Whats up? So, day 15 I get my first +OPK with high and soft but where is all that CM? And today I’m med, med, and dry. So I should have ovulated last night right? annoying. The time I finally have my hubby available around ovulation and I don’t know what my body is doing. And my temps have been great this month too, low and steady. I’m really hoping that everything is going to do it’s business even though I’m in doubt.

And in order to distract me from myself this morning my son had orange crap draining from his ear. I love a ruptured ear drum! And YAY for a 2 hr wait in the walk-in clinic (but could have been much worse). I just finished with his last run of antibiotics on Tuesday.

Merry Christmas!

To many of you out there this reference will mean nothing. If you are a Firefly fan then you will understand, and if you are Joss Whedon (buffy, angel, dollhouse) fan but don’t get it then you need to hop on the firefly wagon.

I was reading  This post last night that really hit home. She put down how so many of us feel, wrote word for word what we’ve been thinking but haven’t been able to put quite so well. In part of this blog she talks about the relationship between her and her husband and how he was there for her and their relationship was made stronger  instead of being broken.

This made me think of my hubby. We have gone through some awful things (not just fertility related) that would have broken almost anyone I know and it made us realize how much we need each other and can’t live without one another. Through everything we’ve been brought closer and taken care of each other, but through the miscarriages he’s been the one carrying me. The only things that kept me from going over the edge were my husband and knowing that my son needed me. My husband held me while I bawled endlessly in his arms never once trying to tell me that “it will be ok” because he knew it wasn’t. He’d take care of Monster when I was too wrecked to get out of bed and he’d  let me talk on and on about what I was thinking. Never complaining about my sleepless nights and my desperate attempts to find something to distract myself or when I’d just sit numbly and listen to the most depressing music and then cry again.

The quote I’m referring to is “If you can’t run, you crawl. And if you can’t crawl, if you can’t do that…you find someone to carry you”.  This is what I think of when I look back at that time. When things are good we’re running. When things are bad we crawl. But when I was so wrecked that I couldn’t crawl, my husband carried me, and he kept carrying me through all the relapses of wretchedness. I love him so much and I would never have made it through this without him.

I was having a great day today…and an off day…but at least I found my random anger funny.

I actually got a day off today. My definition of a day off is the once every three weeks when my hubby is off work and he takes Monster and I go into town and visit my friends, shop, or even just hide in the basement and play x-box or warcraft. But I haven’t had my day off in the last…3 sets of days off because hubby keeps working his days off. I can’t complain, he’s out making the bucks to pay that mortgage, but I was REALLY looking forward to today because of it.

So I make myself extra pretty today (aka, I showered and did my hair and left the house in the non jogging pant variety), and I drove the hour in to meet Nik at second cup, got our festive (decaf) coffee’s and proceeded to wander aimlessly around the mall. I was determined to find a new pair of jeans d/t only having one pair right now (wore the ass/ knee and button right out of my other pair).  I’ve been having really good luck shopping this week with my MIL so I wasn’t my normal grumpy about shopping self. I was super excited to see Nik, to be on my day off, and to have my fake coffee in hand. Buuuuut, when shopping for jeans, in winter, in big ass boots that must be undone for each changing set, taking pants off over and over that are too FRIGGIN tight…it gets old fast. 

So, this is me today

 I feel pretty today, look at my hair so shiny and nice. YAY coffee (must convince self it is real coffee). Stupid pants FAWK! oooo nice shirt, it fits! 50% off! stupid FAWKin boots. Look at that hangover (belly) FAWK. I look great in this top. oh these pants look nice…can’t get them over my FAWKin thighs. nice nice FAWK nice happy pretty FAWK! PUPPY!!!!!!!!!! (at this point I’m now in pet land)

I always go into pet store and look at kittens and ferrets and whatever else is there and am not swayed by the animals behind glass. But there she is. The sweetest, most darling, farthest from what I ever imagined I wanted in a dog. Little few pound havanese x yorkie (aka havashire, lol, sounds like an offer), and I just fell in love. How much? well after tax and food and stuff about $1500. Insane right? I called hubby. “I have a problem…I’m at petland…I’m in love with a puppy and she’s wonderful and non-allergenic and tiny and great with kids and other animals (we have three cats along with our billion new fish) and I want her soooooooo bad but she costs a million dollars and I just love her!!!!!”. My hubby didn’t freak out like I thought he would, just shocked.

To give a little more background, we had a puppy a couple years ago but only for 2 days because it turned out to have parvo (we thought she was just having a bad adjustment period at first), so it’s not like we didn’t want another dog in the future. And when we got that one, it was my hubby saying “I just found and dog and I want to go look at it now but I really think it’s the one I want and we’ve got to go now!”. So I’m not the only freak here.

After talking to him and talking more to the staff and talking to him again he was pretty much accepting that I was about to pay a million dollars for a dog I wasn’t intending on getting an hour before and I was so close to walking out there with the sweetest girl you ever saw, but then I thought…”get you’re mother to call me”. So he tracked her down in Manitoba and had her call me. I explained everything and asked for an unbiased dog lovers opinion. She had paid a million dollars for her yorkie a few years ago and I wanted to know if she would do it all again and if there was anything I hadn’t thought of. Well there was. I was thinking “is this dog going to be ok with Monster” but not “is Monster going to be ok with this dog”. She made me realize that this is too fragile a dog to have with a just 3 yr old and that if it was a year from now, she’d say go for it. But not yet.

So I didn’t get her and I’m still longing after the only puppy I’ve ever loved at first sight. But the last thing I want is to have a little puppy get hurt because she got hugged too hard by a kid that doesn’t get it.

Now it goes to….FAWK!, puppy 😦  , I’m relieved that I didn’t spend a million dollars 🙂 , maybe I should got back and get her still, FAWK, I’m hungry, these jeans look great, and they fit! FAWKin boots, puppy 😦 , spaghetti!

Hubby later on: “you know mom thinks you want a puppy so much now because everyone else is having babies”

me: “ya think?” (feel the sarcasm)