Tag Archive: infertility

Unlike my previous post about The Help, which was about my reaction to one of the character’s miscarriages, which I admit is still much on my mind, this will be more of a review of the book (or parts of it). I figured I may as well put out my two cents since I mentioned that I was reading it. Please note, I am not politically correct but out of curiosity, if you shouldn’t call a black person black, what the hell am I supposed to call a white person? And why is brown ok?

Everyone who pays attention to what I read knows that it’s a little of everything, but that I mostly stick to urban fantasy (I think that’s what it’s called?). This was the pick from my book club this month. They make me read things like Memory Keeper’s Daughter and Forgotten Garden and I make them read things like Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and The Hunger Games.

I really enjoyed reading this, I’m not going to say that I found it as amazing as everyone else seems to (it’s like this book is everywhere right now), but I’d definitely recommend it even if it’s not your normal type of pick.

It blows my mind that there was ever a time when people (black and white…and Jew, I think they separated you guys too in the country clubs and that makes no sense, you guys are hot, right Mo? And where does everyone else fit in there?) had to use separate schools, grocery stores, movie theaters and bathrooms. I don’t like sharing a bathroom with Anyone but it has nothing to do with the color of their hiney and everything to do with the fact that I’m a bathroom germaphobe that has spent 15 years flushing toilets with my feet. The thing that blows my mind the most is that this was going on while my mom was a teenager still. Does that mean by the time our children are teens, gay bashing and same-sex marriage opposition will be a thing of the past? I can only hope.

The story is told from the point of view of two black maids and one of the white girls that want to change the way everything is. Aibileen is the sweetest woman in the world and you can’t help but wish she was your gramma. Minny is a sassy, take-no-shit-from-no-one, been fired a billion times in the same town for back-talking kind girl and I can’t help but relate to her. I’ve never been fired for back-talking before, but the only reason for that is that most of my bosses have earned my respect enough not to do so, I can make them apologize to me for being asses, or there was the one boss that I fought with …~ every 5 minutes and we called each other every name under the sun and then he’d make me sit down and read him a story (’cause that’s an admin assistants job). Then there is Skeeter who I thought was hated by her parents until I realized it was a nick-name from her brother that stuck. She’s the kind of awkward, too tall, unmanageable hair, really smart and nice but never gets a date girl that we can all relate to through our insecurities.  

One thing I really liked about this book though, from a fertilely challenged perspective, was that they included a character that can’t, try as she might, have a baby. I think it lists her at five losses and one of them is included in the book. She’s not a huge portion of the book, but I suppose she stands out to me. She’s also one of the most likeable characters in the book. She’s the “white trash”, married rich and miserable about it, no friends but her maid (as much as her maid will be her friend), and I’m not gonna lie, she’s not the sharpest crayon. But it goes through her story and  the whole time you think she’s super lazy and a little crazy. But as it goes on you realize that so much of her crazy behavior is all about trying to have a baby. She wont get up and mover around much and doesn’t leave the house for ~ the first six months of her story. After a while Minny catches her sneaking up to the rooms upstairs drinking. But she’s essentially put herself on bed rest trying to keep a baby and the secret “drinking” is a “catching tonic” from her local natives to help prevent miscarrying.

I love that it showed the crazy side of us that comes out in our desperation to have or keep a child. Maybe some people would find it insulting, seeing as she does seem a bit off the rocker, but I don’t. I think it shows what can happen to us and the fact that others don’t seem to understand what we’re doing and judge us for it. Even her unsupportive ass of a doctor gives her crap all the time.

I’m not sure how often novels show characters that have fertility issue. The seldom one I’ve seen over time just glosses right over the issues of repeat losses or infertility. So I have to say that when a story goes into the issue, even when it’s not a lot, I appreciate it, because it’s something that needs to be talked about more.

Is buying sperm illegal in Canada?

Slightly depressing song, but I think it’s really pretty

I’m so confused right now. I was reading Yolks post on Sex and the City and one of the comments had a link commenting on fertility laws in Canada


Now this may come off as SUUUUPER ignorant, but I’m thinking what laws? Ok, I’d get that there are laws about how the Dr.’s have to care for us and not do unethical things and such, but I’m reading this and it’s saying ” And anyone who bought or offered to buy the basic ingredients of human life could be fined up to $500,000 or face 10 years in jail.” HWHAT the HHELL?! When did this happen? Well, according to this article it was in 2004. This makes no sense to me. What happened to sperm donors? Wasn’t that kinda the hollywood joke for a while, if you’re strapped for cash you go donate sperm?

Now I only recently discovered egg donation, I didn’t know that was possible, let alone a thing. I was however informed when I was in school that there was in fact a penial implant (although I’m not aware of the details, just that my teacher had a patient with one once). But since discovering that you could get donor eggs, that’s brought a new option to people in that problem category. So I figured that was good.

But now I read this and it’s saying it’s illegal in Canada. But why? whats the difference to getting a donor egg vs a surrogate mother? or adoption (except that you get to carry the baby that is of another’s eggs)? I just don’t get how this is illegal. I don’t see anything immoral about it. Now it did mention about the “anyone caught paying or offering to pay” portion, do I guess donation is ok? provided that you can find someone who loves you enough to give you their eggs or sperm?

It just seems wrong to try and make that illegal (not to mention that it says it’s completely abstract in the laws and not well inforced). I had a friend a few years back and both her and her sister were via donor sperm and their parents just hadn’t told them (no shock there) and they only found out after he died and it was brought to light that he had a condition that also made him sterile. But these two girl were brought into this family who loved them and wanted them, and they had just needed some sperm. So are you saying that my friends creation would now be illegal? Because that’s just fucked.

It just made me a bit angry.

And if that was what I needed to do, I’d find a way to do it.

So now to distract myself with Dragon age

No increase again

CD 18

So all signs pointed to day 15 ovulation…except of course the lack of CM and the big old no temp rise…again. Last time I had no temp rise we found I did actually ovulate, but that my progesterone level was awful. Last month was a good spike and I had super awesome progesterone. So does that mean that I have low progesterone again? or is this a non-ovulation? I go for another day 21 prog test on Wednesday, and I think I’m going to ask my dr to keep checking me for another few months (provided that I don’t get pregnent…and lets face it, that’s the less likely event). I wish that I had my follow-up with the fertility specialist sooner than the end of next month. Of course there is still one more CD 2 blood work to be done, but they have everything else. I’m very irritated with my body right now (that includes my new-found pudge).

So I shall cheer myself with Lush baths, Warcraft, Big Bang Theory (season 2 and 3), my new book selection (incl. cheesy comics), and picking through products to make myself some new soap and other skin products. Yes these are the things that make me happy. All to top off with learning how to use my new silk screener and making shirts that make sense to no one but myself.

I managed to get into my dr today to discuss what happened at my fertility specialist appointment. I was glad to hear that he was happy to monitor my progesterone for me for however long  I want and was a bit confused about the specialist thinking it wasn’t important. He was sure that when I because pregnant that she would start doing so, but why the heck would I wait untill I know I’m pregnant, call for an appointment, wait the few weeks untill the appointment, get labs done, and THEN find out if there is an issue (and then wait to get a prescription). At that rate it may already be too late. I could be 2 months pregnant by the time anything is being taken care of. It’s already been found that my progesterone was too low, so it’s not like I’m just reaching for random things here. I had an entire weekend of fixating on this, not in an anxiety fashion, but in a “what the hell is she thinking?” fashion. I wish she had just explained it to me.  Is she indirectly monitoring something to do with my progesterone (not according to my family dr), did she think it wasn’t important because she thought the cause was something else? (even so she should monitor it because it is a legitimate cause of miscarriage), or does she have some other plan going on?

I’m the kind of person that doesn’t react too much about things at first and then they fester, so over time I get more and more angry/ frustrated/ hurt….. But at least I’m not just sitting around. I’m now sticking with the hands on assertive approach. It prevents wallowing at least. Is it going to be a problem  if I asked for a different fertility dr? I’m told that there are 5 in the clinic, but I don’t want to burn my bridges before I even get going with them or get a bad rep. What do you guys think? you ever had this issue? I can’t stand dr’s that ignore what I’m saying and don’t explain anything to me in a way that I can get it (and get obviously irritated when I keep asking questions). It makes me want to kick them in the chin.

Dye in my uterus!

so my hubby and I had our first appointment with the fertility dr yesterday. She seems pretty nice but I was confused with some of the things that she was saying and she went through everything very fast. One thing that confused me was when I told her about my progesterone last cycle she said “well you never know where you are in a cycle so it’s not relevant”…how not? If I’m seeing her for recurrent losses and we know my progesterone was low and that can cause miscarriages then why is that not something to monitor?

What she did say was that due to the abnormally high amount of miscarriages in my family that I may have something called a balanced translocation. I asked her three times and still don’t understand what this means. I tried googling it at work later and am still confused, so I think it’s going to be my monday afternoon searching project (or maybe Tuesday because Monster will be at preschool).

She is sending me for a whack of tests and I can’t say I’m looking forward to it. My hubby was feeling pretty irritated at having to do a semen analysis again untill he saw what I was going to have to and then he decided he had it pretty easy. Nothing like having to get dye shot up your uterus for an x-ray to make your hubby rethink his part. And we’re going to be getting the chromosome testing…which appearantly take 6 months to get the results for. so much stuff. I don’t want to wait. I want to know now!

MOPS miscarriage

I find that people don’t seem to remember that miscarriage and fertility issues affect those that have  children. I figure that they think (unless they have been though it) that if you’ve had a child, you can have more, or that if you have a child, you will have gotten over your miscarriage(s) because you have a baby. Being part of my local MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group I look around at all the women and think “I know I’m not the only one suffering here” but what am I going to do. “ok ladies, everyone that has had a miscarriage / stillbirth/ loss shortly after birth / or infertility issues come here right now so we can talk and grieve and console each other”. YA RIGHT! who am I to say that they have to grieve any differently than they are. I don’t know these women personally, and standing up and saying “ok everyone, this is what I have suffered and if you want to talk I am here” isn’t enough (not to mention not very effective in  a group of near strangers…and a bit embarrassing). So i requested  when they were looking for meeting idea’s for this year, what about a meeting on miscarriage/ pregnancy loss. And the Woman that heads our group made it happen. And that day was today.

I was so devastated to wake up and see that the weather had only gotten worse over night. We had been hit by a decent blizzard a couple days ago and the roads are AWEFUL. top that off with it being the first snow of the year and people haven’t built up their winter driving comfort yet. I was expecting that almost no one would come to our meeting this morning. I also realized the good old “how is my dinky car going to make it out of the driveway?”. But luckily I have this angel friend that called me up just after I thought of this and asked if I might like a ride there. So we shoved the three car seats in the back and thanked God for her Envoy. I must say that Charity is really earning her name today because I would have been so devastated if I had missed this. when we arrived, no one was there. Seriously. Not a single mom there that doesn’t organize the meetings. I was crushed in the “saw it coming” kinda way. But when I took our kids down to the nursery and came back, we suddenly had some moms. In the end there were more than I expected would brave the roads. so Yay for that!

The woman was great. You could tell she was passionate about what she does. She did a presentation on pregnancy related grief and through in ones that I hadn’t even thought about like post adoption grief (for the mother giving up the child). I think her specialized areas are post adoption and post abortion but she was great with all the other topics. I think that it would have been a good session for couples to go to as well. She really got into the grieving stages and the male vs female  grieving. I guess that the reason that I liked her so much was that she was saying the same stuff and more that I say to anyone talking to me about their loss. Things like “it’s ok to be angry with God, he can take it”  and find something physical to do to let out your anger and frustration. she suggested running, beating us your mattress, going to a thrift store and buying a bundle of dishes that you can smash at the recycling center. It was very close to my “go to a garage sale and buy an old tv, take it in you garage and find a bat” suggestion. but another favorite from my teen years was to roll up plasticine and throw it at my walls (it made a great splat and they would stay there untill I took them down…use multi colors and stay away from mirrors).

My favorite was that she went into the “things not to say” that are the typical responses that just make us feel worse. I have a post of “what not to say to someone after miscarriage” that I’d found on another site, and I really wish I could blow it up, make it into fliers, email it to the world, and make it into a t-shirt. Actually the last suggestion is one I may do…even though my poor mother may pass out if I came by wearing it. My older brother and I have a thing about saying what makes others too uncomfortable to hear but is just honest reality, or as my Gramma would put it, we’re “shit disturbers” or “SD”‘s as she shortened it to later on, and my mother is not a fan of confrontation. Poor mommy, three children all getting my fathers stubborn, shit disturbing, twisted humour. I must say she takes it pretty well.

She also talked about you guys. In an indirect way, you guys are my “safe people to talk to”. People that you know understand and are compassionate, that you can say what you need to say and they wont think you’re a horrible person because they have been there. If I drank, I’d give you a toast. but HERE HERE! to all you wonderful women that understand what we all wish we didn’t.