Tag Archive: Clomid


Peer presure pee

I feel like doing the things I keep telling other people not to do. I feel like peeing on sticks.

I’m not just doing it for the sake of it though, I’ve got some reasons. Well, one reason. My boobs. I wouldn’t say they are bigger but they definitely feel fuller. I asked Hubby this morning if my boobs felt different and he (after the necessary grope) gave me a weird look “Ya, they feel harder. Why?”. “Well, I think I could be pregnant”.

By this time I’ve already peed on one of my ovulation strips (cause it’s all I have around anymore) for no result and I tell him I want to go get an early detection test. I feel silly. I always tell people just to wait a few more days and use the cheap regulars, but I really want a drink.

*Hubby just arrived back from the store with the test*

Tonight is my 30th birthday party. I REALLY wanted to be able to go out and have a few drinks with my friends (or in my new case two weak ones… maybe three weak ones throughout the afternoon eve). Even just one! I haven’t been able to sit and have a drink with my friends in so many years and now that my body it finally able to tolerate a small amount of alcohol… it’s the wrong time of month and I think I might be pregnant.

“Wasn’t that the goal?”, some might say. Of course it is, totally not the point right now though.

Let’s go check the damn test.

Negative. Maybe I didn’t want that drink as much as I thought.

I’m due in 3 days and this is supposed to tell 5 days before. I guess the boobs are just a side effect of the clomid. That’s just plain deceitful. My love affair with my pricey frist response HPT is over. I’m done. I don’t want to be its friend anymore. It may think it’s cool, but it’s a jerk.

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End of day three of clomid

Well, I’ve gotta say… I don’t feel squat. 

I keep hearing these horror stories of mood swings and craziness on clomid and I haven’t noticed a thing. You could crush it up and hide it in my dinner and I’d never know.

Two days ago I had my girlfriend’s kids over for the afternoon/ eve while she was at work. Normally the kids all get along well but that night was one bicker after another and her kids cry. A lot. And I have no sympathy for senseless crying. I can’t count the amount of “suck it up”‘s that came out of my mouth that day.

Hubby turns to me half way through “are you sure you want more?”. Me, “you like them better when they’re your own”. 😉

Poor kids. I love them dearly, but I’m not the aunt that spoils. I’m the aunt that acts exactly like they are my own kids so they get away with NOTHING. On the upside, at my house when you’re good, we have dance parties and water fights and build cool forts.

So I’m about the take my 4th clomid (anyone else think it’s weird that it’s only a 5 day thing?) and wondering if I’m ever going to feel any different. Part of me thinks that if I can’t feel anything, it’s not working. That’s not my logical brain there so I’m trying to ignore it.

CD 4-5, I’m counting it as 5 since there was a whole hour of Wednesday included.

I was planning on posting a while ago. I was going to say that I’d given up on my journey and I was simply trying to make the best of what I have and stop focusing on what I wished I had. I turned my nursery into a computer room and took out everything baby related (minus the change table because it’s busy holding up the fish tank right now). I decided to try and work on my body, get it to where I want it (yes, small butts can still sag) and start buying clothes that are not based on how well they expand or cover a belly.

I’ve actually been pretty happy since I decided to give up on this. We all know that this doesn’t mean that I don’t want more, just that I was taking it out of my hands and putting it into the hand of Mo‘s big giant Spaghetti Monster in the sky. Hubby and I were just doing our thing and focusing on us, our sex life (which we’ve been spicing up, with no thanks to “sex for dummies” I’ll have you know.)

Then I got me a sponsor child. It’s all my chocobuddy’s fault since the little girl stood out for having the same name as her and it was the little girls birthday that day. I couldn’t resist. But that also brought up adoption in my mind again and I told Hubby that we needed to make a decision. Either we hop back on the wagon trying to acquire a child in some fashion or other, or we decide that we’re closing the family off at the three of us. I don’t want Monster to hit 10 and then have to start all over again. He’s going to be 5 in December and already I’d rather adopt a 3-year-old to close the age gap and give Monster a sibling he can actually play with.

As receptive as Hubby originally was to the idea of adoption, he’s really not keen on it right now. He says that he really wants another that is biologically his and I think he figures that going for adoption is us saying that we’re not going to try anymore. It’s not the case, but that’s how he feels. He started pushing for IVF but I’m not keen on that idea since it doesn’t have a great success rate and we don’t know that that is really appropriate for us. We’ve had 3 pregnancies and lost two. It’s been 2.5 years since my last pregnancy. I don’t know if it’s the getting pregnant or staying pregnant that is the biggist issue, really.

So we settled on the middle ground. Clomid. We’re going to give it another round of active trying with all the accessories…or, most of the accessories. Fuck taking my temp every morning. We’re going to have lots of frequent sex and I’m going to monitor my CF and the rest should take care of itself. I’m not taking on the stress of über tracking right now. My CF keeps me very up to date as to when I should be ready (smelling oddly sweet and needing to carry extra panties for when I soak through the first). What? TMI? Haven’t you been to this page before? 😉

So that’s where I’ve ended up. Today I took my first dose of clomid. Am I going to turn into a crazy hormonal woman? I wasn’t when I was pregnant, so I can’t see it happening, but who knows.

I’m scared a bit, but mostly I’m not taking in the reality of it. Maybe I’ll get pregnant. Maybe there will be more than one. Maybe I’ll lose multiple babies. Maybe it will hit me when I’m due for The Red Lady. I’m sure now that if I lose another, I’m not planning on walking into this situation again. Maybe absolutely nothing will happen. That would be…anticlimactic.  Anticlimactic really isn’t all that bad considering other possible alternatives.

It’s a bit of a turn around from giving up.