Tag Archive: angry


Meet the Robinsons

CD 31 DPO 16

I don’t know who of you have seen this movie. Maybe you’ve watched it with your niece or nephew, some kids you babysat once, by yourself because you have this secret addiction to kids Disneyesk movies (who me?) or also like myself you suffer from secondary infertility and you are trying to find more variety for your kid to watch so can turn off Frackin’ Nemo (ok, I love Nemo, but it’s getting too much).

Did I mention before that I’m a big giant cry-baby? because I’m not…..unless of course it has little to do with reality. I regularly bawl when watching tv, listening to the radio, reading a book…and of course, Disneyesk movies. They are my ultimate kryptonite. My mom took me (I can’t remember why because I was in high school here) to see Tarzan in the theater and was mildly embarrassed (warranted) because I was crying my eyes out at the beginning of the movie. Right at the beginning! They killed the baby gorilla! I think I’ve been a little traumatized by Disney since then. That poor baby gorilla. Lol, yes I know it’s just a cartoon.

My mother in law has this theory that kinda applies to more that just recently. She said something along the lines of “A broken heart takes time to heal”. With my life, I’ve honestly had a broken heart for most of it. that’s never prevented me from living that said life, but I admit that I’ve always nursed some issues (haven’t we all?). So I don’t cry normally, I’m an angry crier only. when I get really mad (and it’s hard to get me mad) the tears start a streaming. It can be deceiving, but if you know me well enough and my face and chest are  red/ purple/ mix of the two and I’m crying…best to run the other way. So all that broken heart comes out during shows, musics, whatever.

This brings us to the Robinsons. At the very beginning of the movie (so no, I’m not giving anything but the first 30 seconds away), this woman sneaks up with a bundle in her hand. She looks down at said bundle (baby) and gives it a kiss, puts him on a doorstep, rings the bell and bolts. Whats your first reaction? Is it “THAT FRACKIN’ BITCH!!!!!!!!!!” And then you proceed to lose it and can’t stop crying for the next 5 minutes so you head to the kitchen so no one can see you? Probably not. Of course what I’m really thinking is just give him to me, I want him. But of course he’s a carton and when you adopt a cartoon baby they have a tendency to put you in a rubber room.

Then again, screw it. Bring on all the rubber rooms you want. Just give me my damn babies (even if the are oh, cartoons and , ya know, gorillas).

Why can’t someone just leave a baby on my doorstep…and let me keep it.

Why. WHY!

A couple of weeks ago we got a text from my husband’s sister. She’s pregnant again. Ok, I’m jealous, but I’m happy for her. She’s a great mom and we knew they were going to be trying around now again. She wanted the knowledge out there, from her, so that it wasn’t like it would sneak up on us from other sources. But she was nervous to tell us because she didn’t want to seem like she was flaunting it to us. I appreciate it and know she’s very genuine in her compassion and concern. But now I get a call from my mom. Another sister-in-law is pregnant! pretty much just as far along as the other. This one is hitting me sooooo BAD! The one that said “I don’t want any more kids” and not even trying!

And I’m trying to be happy for them (mostly for my brother’s sake, I know he wanted more). But I’m JEALOUS and ANGRY! and my mom tells me to “just be happy for them. It will happen for you too”. Well it’s not that simple. I really didn’t want to know this. I would have been perfectly happy NOT being my mothers someone-to-tell. And I feel guilty now too because I’m sure my mother expected me to be really excited about a new niece or nephew (not that I ever get to see the one I have from them already) and I’ve probably killed that buzz she had from her “I’m going to be a gramma again” news. but I’m not in that happy place that I was last time. And if anyone was going to tell me, it really should have been my brother himself. I think this is the first time I’ve wished my mom kept a secret from me.

And now I can’t stop crying.

Update: ok, so I’ve realized that the bigger problem is the who and not as much the what. I’ve calmed down today, but her being pregnant is still kinda touchy. She was SO mean to me about being pregnant with my son and said horrible things about me behind my back (crazy, “your logic is not human logic” kinda things) and so ya, I have an issue with her to say the least.

I apologized to my mom for the minor freak out over the phone…she understands…but she’s still trying to play make-up between the two of us, and I really wish she would just leave it. I’m not rebonding with her just because she’s pregnant. But what’s a mother to do, right?