Tag Archive: adoption


Auction

To any of you that are not familiar with Sarah, she and her hubby are in the middle of trying to adopt and they are doing an auction this weekend to try and raise some of the insane amount of money that you have to pay in order to get a baby into a good home. So please try and take a moment to peek over here starting saturday and ending sunday to see if there is anything you’d like to bid on, also there is a donate button if you’d like to but don’t want to bid on anything. Just trying to spread the word.

Meet the Robinsons

CD 31 DPO 16

I don’t know who of you have seen this movie. Maybe you’ve watched it with your niece or nephew, some kids you babysat once, by yourself because you have this secret addiction to kids Disneyesk movies (who me?) or also like myself you suffer from secondary infertility and you are trying to find more variety for your kid to watch so can turn off Frackin’ Nemo (ok, I love Nemo, but it’s getting too much).

Did I mention before that I’m a big giant cry-baby? because I’m not…..unless of course it has little to do with reality. I regularly bawl when watching tv, listening to the radio, reading a book…and of course, Disneyesk movies. They are my ultimate kryptonite. My mom took me (I can’t remember why because I was in high school here) to see Tarzan in the theater and was mildly embarrassed (warranted) because I was crying my eyes out at the beginning of the movie. Right at the beginning! They killed the baby gorilla! I think I’ve been a little traumatized by Disney since then. That poor baby gorilla. Lol, yes I know it’s just a cartoon.

My mother in law has this theory that kinda applies to more that just recently. She said something along the lines of “A broken heart takes time to heal”. With my life, I’ve honestly had a broken heart for most of it. that’s never prevented me from living that said life, but I admit that I’ve always nursed some issues (haven’t we all?). So I don’t cry normally, I’m an angry crier only. when I get really mad (and it’s hard to get me mad) the tears start a streaming. It can be deceiving, but if you know me well enough and my face and chest are  red/ purple/ mix of the two and I’m crying…best to run the other way. So all that broken heart comes out during shows, musics, whatever.

This brings us to the Robinsons. At the very beginning of the movie (so no, I’m not giving anything but the first 30 seconds away), this woman sneaks up with a bundle in her hand. She looks down at said bundle (baby) and gives it a kiss, puts him on a doorstep, rings the bell and bolts. Whats your first reaction? Is it “THAT FRACKIN’ BITCH!!!!!!!!!!” And then you proceed to lose it and can’t stop crying for the next 5 minutes so you head to the kitchen so no one can see you? Probably not. Of course what I’m really thinking is just give him to me, I want him. But of course he’s a carton and when you adopt a cartoon baby they have a tendency to put you in a rubber room.

Then again, screw it. Bring on all the rubber rooms you want. Just give me my damn babies (even if the are oh, cartoons and , ya know, gorillas).

Why can’t someone just leave a baby on my doorstep…and let me keep it.

MOPS miscarriage

I find that people don’t seem to remember that miscarriage and fertility issues affect those that have  children. I figure that they think (unless they have been though it) that if you’ve had a child, you can have more, or that if you have a child, you will have gotten over your miscarriage(s) because you have a baby. Being part of my local MOPS (mothers of preschoolers) group I look around at all the women and think “I know I’m not the only one suffering here” but what am I going to do. “ok ladies, everyone that has had a miscarriage / stillbirth/ loss shortly after birth / or infertility issues come here right now so we can talk and grieve and console each other”. YA RIGHT! who am I to say that they have to grieve any differently than they are. I don’t know these women personally, and standing up and saying “ok everyone, this is what I have suffered and if you want to talk I am here” isn’t enough (not to mention not very effective in  a group of near strangers…and a bit embarrassing). So i requested  when they were looking for meeting idea’s for this year, what about a meeting on miscarriage/ pregnancy loss. And the Woman that heads our group made it happen. And that day was today.

I was so devastated to wake up and see that the weather had only gotten worse over night. We had been hit by a decent blizzard a couple days ago and the roads are AWEFUL. top that off with it being the first snow of the year and people haven’t built up their winter driving comfort yet. I was expecting that almost no one would come to our meeting this morning. I also realized the good old “how is my dinky car going to make it out of the driveway?”. But luckily I have this angel friend that called me up just after I thought of this and asked if I might like a ride there. So we shoved the three car seats in the back and thanked God for her Envoy. I must say that Charity is really earning her name today because I would have been so devastated if I had missed this. when we arrived, no one was there. Seriously. Not a single mom there that doesn’t organize the meetings. I was crushed in the “saw it coming” kinda way. But when I took our kids down to the nursery and came back, we suddenly had some moms. In the end there were more than I expected would brave the roads. so Yay for that!

The woman was great. You could tell she was passionate about what she does. She did a presentation on pregnancy related grief and through in ones that I hadn’t even thought about like post adoption grief (for the mother giving up the child). I think her specialized areas are post adoption and post abortion but she was great with all the other topics. I think that it would have been a good session for couples to go to as well. She really got into the grieving stages and the male vs female  grieving. I guess that the reason that I liked her so much was that she was saying the same stuff and more that I say to anyone talking to me about their loss. Things like “it’s ok to be angry with God, he can take it”  and find something physical to do to let out your anger and frustration. she suggested running, beating us your mattress, going to a thrift store and buying a bundle of dishes that you can smash at the recycling center. It was very close to my “go to a garage sale and buy an old tv, take it in you garage and find a bat” suggestion. but another favorite from my teen years was to roll up plasticine and throw it at my walls (it made a great splat and they would stay there untill I took them down…use multi colors and stay away from mirrors).

My favorite was that she went into the “things not to say” that are the typical responses that just make us feel worse. I have a post of “what not to say to someone after miscarriage” that I’d found on another site, and I really wish I could blow it up, make it into fliers, email it to the world, and make it into a t-shirt. Actually the last suggestion is one I may do…even though my poor mother may pass out if I came by wearing it. My older brother and I have a thing about saying what makes others too uncomfortable to hear but is just honest reality, or as my Gramma would put it, we’re “shit disturbers” or “SD”‘s as she shortened it to later on, and my mother is not a fan of confrontation. Poor mommy, three children all getting my fathers stubborn, shit disturbing, twisted humour. I must say she takes it pretty well.

She also talked about you guys. In an indirect way, you guys are my “safe people to talk to”. People that you know understand and are compassionate, that you can say what you need to say and they wont think you’re a horrible person because they have been there. If I drank, I’d give you a toast. but HERE HERE! to all you wonderful women that understand what we all wish we didn’t.

I’m leaving in half an hour to face my fear of needles. I’ve spent the last few day trying to pretend that it’s not going to happen (somewhat successfully actually). Alls I can say it that this better be at least productive in one area. If i can get rid of the hot flashes (which I’ve had a miraculous last 4 or 5 days since the last, nearly unheard of period of time!) or the migraines (increased to at least 3 a week over the last couple months) than I’d still say it was ok. But I really am hoping that I get some results on the fertility / miscarriage front.

I know that a lot of people have had more than two miscarriages. My own aunt and uncle suffered through 8!!! can you believe it?! how can you find the strength to keep going after that?! Of course after that they adopted my beautiful, sweet cousin. I’m not opposed to adoption, and neither is my husband. To be honest, I’d like to adopt, but I’d really like to have more of my own first. I’m not ready to stop trying, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to say that if we suffer another one.

So lets hope that this acupunturist has some experience and knowledge base about treatment for me. And let’s be honest, lets hope I don’t make myself look like a fool and cry. I’ve successfully gone over a year since the last time I cried during blood work, that’s a start! Keep your fingers crossed for me.