CD 4 …and that no longer means anything here.

Starting tomorrow I will officially be back on birth control and I’m planning on using this asstastic event to bring on the bright side. I’m going to experiment to see if I can drink, lol. Ya, the girl with the alcohol allergy wants a drink. BUT, I actually had a glass of wine at my girlfriends house the other week, a WHOLE glass of wine, which I haven’t been able to do since I was a teen (pre developing allergies to everything under the moon). So I’m going to get a bottle of wine, make sure Hubby is near by in case things go to the shitter (lol, pun intended) and then see if I can have two glasses! I figure since I’m so unfamiliar with alcohol that it would be enough to make me tipsy and we’ll find out if I’m a friendly or belligerent festive participant. Hey, I’ve got to have something to do, right? What do you mean we don’t normally encourage drinking?

So today Hubby and I went to our first therapy session. It was a basic intro in which she found out our basic family info, support network, pregnancy history, and how each of us has dealt with the miscarriages. For me, it was all stuff I’ve talked about before. For Hubby, it was stuff that we’ve touched on and I’ve figured that he’s dealing (or lack there of) with, but it was so good just to hear him say the things. Not that they were particularly nice to hear, but to get them out in the open so we could each know where the other stands.

The main thing that caught my attention when she was talking with Hubby, was the constant use of the word “trauma”. I’ve read with you guys that PTSD seems to be a lot more common than I’d ever dreamed of in our circumstances. And listening to them made me wonder if Hubby didn’t seem to be suffering something similar. And thinking on it, it wouldn’t be surprising. He not only lost two babies with me, but during our last miscarriage he watched me become so critical, so fast, that our local hospital panicked. He finally let it be said that he’s afraid that another pregnancy will result in me dying. This is what I’d been thinking he was going through, but that he hadn’t come right out and said. So now it’s out there and we both know what’s really going on.

All in all, it was a good chat, but still an intro chat. We’re booked to go again in three weeks (that’s how his schedule works with his job) and she gave us some stuff to read. Now I just have to make sure he gets to it.

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