I hate talking when I dont know what to say. My poor hubby was trying to figure out what was wrong with me yesterday and once he figured out that the “I’m just not feeling good” was not refering to physically (his natural assumption since he was aware that I’d only slept 1.5 hrs and since he’s fighting a cold) he assumed I was mad at him. I didn’t know how to explain to him that I was mad at HIM, but that I’m sad and I have a lot of generalized anger just floating around in there and that I’m angry and upset about sex and continuously asking for something I don’t even want as a means to try and get what we do want and all the getting shut down. I know it didn’t come out all smooth and I was having trouble talking because I was crying. I’m pretty sure I only succeeded in hurting his feelings and he thinks I’m being unfair to him. Of course there is nothing fair about this to either of us. And now I feel guilty for hurting his feelings among everything else.

But one of my friends called today, I haven’t spoken to him in months. We were inseparable in grade 12, we went to grad together (even though he hooked up with someone else by the end of the evening), he joined me in Oz and SE Asia for a few months and he’s always been that crazy male friend that can translate what I’m saying into english and who can make me feel better just by being there. And he called just to say he missed me and he wants me to get a sitter for an evening just so we can go out and have some QT. He’s like a brother to me, makes me happy, makes me laugh, has no issues with telling me if I’m getting too chubby (it happens at rare times) and accepts me no matter what and loves even my bad side. The kind of guy you wish you had a sister to marry him to so that you’d have a claim on him forever because he’d officially be family. So hopefully I’ll be able to get together with him this weekend or shortly after. I could sure use it.

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