I think it’s pretty obvious that I’ve had songs on the brain the last couple days. Music it what I use when I’m not so much needing to escape reality, but to express it, or have a good bawl, or even just bring myself back to a place that a certain song/ album/ artist reminds me of. Like listening to Lisa Loeb makes me think of comfortable winters curled up in my bed. Or Smashing Pumpkins Mellon collie & the infinate sadness makes me think of jumping on my bed and dancing around with a great friend at night in the dark with my twinkle lights on. And Classical music makes me think of making out in the back seat of my friends car (It’s drove my buddy nut, but I just liked to bug him by calling it make-out music and I had to stick to my guns, lol)

After my second miscarriage I was looking for music that I could relate with, that would help me express what I was feeling and one of the songs that really jumped out at me was by Joe Purdy. I’d never even heard of the guy before, but because of this song I’m a big fan.

I just can’t seem to get it right today, I guess I’m going to give up. These words reminded me that I don’t need to get it right. Why should I try and make things right for others when I was the one that lost a child. I stopped caring what others thought and decided that I’d get better in my own time. I gave up trying to “get it right” and I instantly felt a huge burden lift off my shoulders.

I ended up developing an “F you if you can’t deal with me greiving” attitude and then I cried whenever I wanted to and didn’t feel like I needed to suck it up and put on a brave face. It was really the best thing that could have happened. That was when I realized that people need to talk about this. No more taboo for me. I wanted to reach out to others in my position and I wanted them to be able to know they were not alone. More than just a book they could read or a self help style cd, but someone they could actually communicate with that would talk back. Even when we want to talk, sometimes we can’t talk to those close to us and we just need someone that knows and has been there. And talking to strangers feel strangly safe.

So to those of you that I talk/ blog/ chat with or to the ones that are just reading and are not ready to put themselves out there…don’t worry about getting it “right”. Do whatever it is that feels right.

And on an unrelated note,  just another of his songs that I love