To many of you out there this reference will mean nothing. If you are a Firefly fan then you will understand, and if you are Joss Whedon (buffy, angel, dollhouse) fan but don’t get it then you need to hop on the firefly wagon.

I was reading  This post last night that really hit home. She put down how so many of us feel, wrote word for word what we’ve been thinking but haven’t been able to put quite so well. In part of this blog she talks about the relationship between her and her husband and how he was there for her and their relationship was made stronger  instead of being broken.

This made me think of my hubby. We have gone through some awful things (not just fertility related) that would have broken almost anyone I know and it made us realize how much we need each other and can’t live without one another. Through everything we’ve been brought closer and taken care of each other, but through the miscarriages he’s been the one carrying me. The only things that kept me from going over the edge were my husband and knowing that my son needed me. My husband held me while I bawled endlessly in his arms never once trying to tell me that “it will be ok” because he knew it wasn’t. He’d take care of Monster when I was too wrecked to get out of bed and he’d  let me talk on and on about what I was thinking. Never complaining about my sleepless nights and my desperate attempts to find something to distract myself or when I’d just sit numbly and listen to the most depressing music and then cry again.

The quote I’m referring to is “If you can’t run, you crawl. And if you can’t crawl, if you can’t do that…you find someone to carry you”.  This is what I think of when I look back at that time. When things are good we’re running. When things are bad we crawl. But when I was so wrecked that I couldn’t crawl, my husband carried me, and he kept carrying me through all the relapses of wretchedness. I love him so much and I would never have made it through this without him.