Today after my acupuncture appointment I decided that I’d get some groceries. Big thing due to the fact that today was the first day I could make it out of my driveway since the blizzard hit. As with my other appointments, I found that I was super relaxed (I became the  dwarves Dopey and Marshmallow Head). So it took me 2 hours to get groceries. Do you think my son was bored by this point? just a bit. It didn’t help that I hadn’t eaten more than half a pb&j sandwich today yet. So my quick outing put lunch at 2:30. Poor kid.

My mom had been playing phone tag with me all morning and when I finally got ahold of her, she told me that my brother and his wife are having problems with the pregnancy. GREAT! that’s a way to brighten a day. I just about burst out in tears when I hung up the phone. I don’t care how little I get along with her, but I can’t stand the idea of something going wrong again. Of course my mom really doesn’t know anything and it’s all speculation from blood work but it’s just such an awful possibility.

When I had my son we told the Dr.s going into tests and ultrasounds that we didn’t want to know anything that could be potentially “wrong” unless there was something we could do about it. For us, it made no difference if our child had a deformity or downs or anything because it would not change what we would do (ie, continue on with the pregnancy as best we could to give our child the best chance possible). But then after one of the ultrasounds, I got a call at work saying that there were bright spots on the baby’s heart. I freaked out. “my baby has a heart problem”. My boss told me to just leave and I bolted for the obstetrician’s office only to have them tell me “this is a sign that your baby may have downs” or something else in that ball park. I was ready to kill. We had been so specific that we didn’t want this info, this extra stress for no reason and here I am, doing everything I can not to strangle this woman. “I understand if you want to change obstetrician’s, I’m so sorry”. Bull, why would I just go to another office and have THEM not listen to me either?

So what I’m saying it that, since I have no idea what is going on, all I can hope for is that it’s this kind of information. The kind that sounds catastrophic but turns out to just be a marker of a “it may be such and such” where things are usually completely normal. So as a non religious person that sometimes prays out of desperation (as someone else accurately put it), I’m asking if you guys could maybe do it too. That everything will be good for their baby, because we’ve lost too many already.

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