A couple of weeks ago we got a text from my husband’s sister. She’s pregnant again. Ok, I’m jealous, but I’m happy for her. She’s a great mom and we knew they were going to be trying around now again. She wanted the knowledge out there, from her, so that it wasn’t like it would sneak up on us from other sources. But she was nervous to tell us because she didn’t want to seem like she was flaunting it to us. I appreciate it and know she’s very genuine in her compassion and concern. But now I get a call from my mom. Another sister-in-law is pregnant! pretty much just as far along as the other. This one is hitting me sooooo BAD! The one that said “I don’t want any more kids” and not even trying!

And I’m trying to be happy for them (mostly for my brother’s sake, I know he wanted more). But I’m JEALOUS and ANGRY! and my mom tells me to “just be happy for them. It will happen for you too”. Well it’s not that simple. I really didn’t want to know this. I would have been perfectly happy NOT being my mothers someone-to-tell. And I feel guilty now too because I’m sure my mother expected me to be really excited about a new niece or nephew (not that I ever get to see the one I have from them already) and I’ve probably killed that buzz she had from her “I’m going to be a gramma again” news. but I’m not in that happy place that I was last time. And if anyone was going to tell me, it really should have been my brother himself. I think this is the first time I’ve wished my mom kept a secret from me.

And now I can’t stop crying.

Update: ok, so I’ve realized that the bigger problem is the who and not as much the what. I’ve calmed down today, but her being pregnant is still kinda touchy. She was SO mean to me about being pregnant with my son and said horrible things about me behind my back (crazy, “your logic is not human logic” kinda things) and so ya, I have an issue with her to say the least.

I apologized to my mom for the minor freak out over the phone…she understands…but she’s still trying to play make-up between the two of us, and I really wish she would just leave it. I’m not rebonding with her just because she’s pregnant. But what’s a mother to do, right?

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