With everything going on with Mo right now, I should have seen it coming. Bad stuff happens in three’s right? Well, I don’t think I really believe it, but I’ve heard it and it seems to be working its way in here.

I had my first death at work today. Not to say the first time someone has passed away there, just the first time it’s ever happened while I’m working (and this is in almost 7 years of working). It was bound to happen sooner or later. But it still messed with my head. I’m not saying I was a mess over it. I truly believe that she needed to let go because she was suffering so much. And it helped that she passed in her sleep. How many of us get that luxury?

Is that cold of me? I wasn’t at all uncomfortable being in there pronouncing her dead, getting her ready in case the family came in to see her, calling the family. I’m trying to decide if I’m good at dealing with certain things or if I’m just a little too numb to death.

Please stop here. Please don’t bring on a third.

Lets just hope that all the little bad things over the last two days can make up for a third big bad. By the time I went to pick up my son after work and my drink exploded on me (covering me, my drivers and passenger side, my door and dashboard…and the roof), I didn’t even flinch. Just drove my soggy ass to the day home happy that I was only wet and smelled of cherry.

I just found out this morning on the way to work and I am So fucking sorry. I’m crying like an idiot at work for her and everyone thinks there is something wrong with me. I wish I could make this better. I wish I could be with her right now. I wish we could just cry together and tell the world to fuck off for doing this to her and hold on to her until it all goes away.

I want to do something and I know that there is nothing that I can do.

Mo is just over 22 weeks pregnant and last night her water broke. Last I heard, they are giving it until morning with the hope and prayer that some water starts to replenish itself, but it’s not looking good. If not, they will have to induce.

I know she’s strong, but now is the time for us all to be strong for her. Please send her your thoughts and prayers by email if you have her email address or by commenting on her last blog post. She really needs us right now guys.

I love you Mo. I’m so sorry.

Yes, I did ask a couple of my girls this today… and I’m not talking B.O. here.

I have a REALLY sensitive nose and I never know if smells are strong enough that other people can smell too, or if it’s just me. Like hemorrhoids, yes, I can smell hemorrhoids. But not on me, lol, that was just an example of things I know the smell of that others don’t.

So, all day I can smell myself and it’s potent. Why? I’m about to ovulate and I’m at the watery CF point. Can you guys smell yourself when you’re at that point? I’ve honestly never noticed it on anyone else, I’m also assuming everyone smells differently on that front just like your general scent is different.

I ask one of my care aids if she can smell me (not specifying for what) and of course another walks into the office at that very second so I figure, why not, and ask her too. The first rolls over to me (we’re sitting down charting) and takes a big whiff of my boobs sternum thinking I’m talking about perfume. Nothing. Other girl? nothing. HOW CAN THEY NOT SMELL ME!?

It’s not an unpleasant smell at all, faintly sweet and comfortable (was that TMI? lol) but just because I know what it is, I get self-conscious. So have you ever noticed your smell change when you’re about to ovulate?

(Gist) From E to staff, I will be away from the facility for the 30th, 31st and possibly the 1st. I can be contacted by phone if needed but for any questions or concerns, (me) will be replacing me for those days.

WTF!!!! AHHH! (ok, I’ll admit, I actually gave a vaguely, not to subtle, out loud sqwock when I read the bottom). My boss had been going around for the last two weeks making random comments about running away and recommending me to hold fort (something along those lines but I can’t remember what she actually said other than she’d probably never say anything about holding the fort). I never once took her serious, always replying “Oh yaaaa, of course, no problem. But you can’t actually leave, ever, because nobody wants your job.”

As it turns out she was at least kinda serious about the leaving me as the go-to person when she’s not in the facility. As I primped my feathers in pride, I wished I’d actually had some warning so that I could see what that actually meant and what the heck I had to do.

Sunday night I found a message on my answering machine from Friday from E telling me what was going on and since my phone, internet, and tv had all been down for about 9 hours on friday, the lack of a number on the call display meant that it didn’t occur to me to check the machine.

 At least now I can’t say “why the hell didn’t she tell me?”

But today was a great day, even though it was even busier with me trying to do a few of E’s things. I had a good time taking on some extra responsibility and none of the others seemed to question E’s decision for a moment. I guess that I’ve been the go-to person a lot for most of the day/ evening nurses since we opened (and since they found out that I love to help others and educate myself and them).

Just a little “yay for me”. It’s nice to be recognized as useful.

And to top it off, I left work, IN DAYLIGHT! and I didn’t need my jacket!!!!! It is such a beautiful day outside and I could feel the warm sun beating down on me. I’ll take this 9 over the -40 we had a week ago any day. Sunshine does wonders to perk me up.

So, my SIL was throwing a passion party today. You ever been? Also known more commonly as a sex toy party. I had gone to one back in nursing school with a bunch of girls from class and it didn’t make for a bad time with those girls.

But you want a good laugh? Let’s go over this guest list.

R (SIL) & LB (Little Brother), Mummy (my step-dad opted out with the excuse of babysitting), R’s parents (and yes that included her dad), another SIL, and some friends of R&LB’s both male and female and one especially that I’ve known most of his life and is like another LB to me. Since I’ve only been to one of these, maybe I’m not a proper judge, but I didn’t think that was a normal style guest list. But heck, I wanted to see people and visit.

Let me tell you, I had a good time. Having family and friends there was fun, amusing, and not at all uncomfortable even though it should have been when I’ve got my brother 2 seats over asking about different oils/ dildos/ nipple nibbler and trying to find different terms so I knew what I was holding (pocket pussy was the one that got it across).

I’m just glad my family isn’t full of a bunch of prudes. That would have made it awkward.

I’ll tell you what I got. Ready?

She had this pheromone unisex cologne thing that she rolled on each of us and every single one of us smelled different! It was so frackin’ COOL! I’m very scent oriented so I had to go around and sniff everyone there and me and my brother actually smelled very similar which was less surprising but still funny (since I smelled like a peachy/ apricoty mix) and my mom was similar but less sweet. Others ranged from candy to musky type smells and one actually kinda smelled like smokes so I wouldn’t suggest that for him. But how is that not awesome? I don’t care if it makes me more “attractive” or not, I just want to go rub it on everyone I know and sniff them.

I’ll hold back on the rest of what I came home with today.  ;)  This is all part of my effort to put the fun back in sex.

Can you conceive just from wishful thinking? I feel like I’ve had so many months in the last year that are write-off’s just because Hubby is out of town at the worst of times. I wonder sometimes if I could just get him to leave me a few samples in the freezer. Would that work? How the hell am I supposed to get pregnant if I’m flying solo half the time?

And I had no signs that it was coming, but I did it (for a negative), walked out the door, and The Red Lady did come.

Hubby is leaving on Saturday for 2.5 weeks so I have no hope for next month. It’s a right off. I’ll console myself with fake wine and coffee… and my absence of reality as usual. What else should I entertain myself with? Any suggestions?

But he’s right. It’s so cold that walking to work this morning (I work next door to where I live to give you an idea) it was so cold that it made my eyes water…and then freeze the tears to my face and almost freezing my eyes. It hurt so bad it actually felt like they were burning. If it wasn’t just about as fast to walk in from the parking lot, I’d seriously consider driving to work in this weather.  To give you a better idea. The low tonight is -29 (feels like -39 with wind chill). The high tomorrow is -27 (feels like -37 with wind chill). Yay 2 degrees! Pointless or what?

Now that I’ve finished being sad about the cold (and wishing there was more snow to insulate us and warm things up at least), I get to the awesome news. That new child care I just found and started today? Found out last night that she isn’t a registered business so I can’t get receipts to write off on my taxes. That’s about $8000 a year that I wouldn’t be able to claim. Are you SHITTING ME!

I can’t even be really mad at the lady because this was her first time accepting non-casual child care (for which you don’t have to claim) and she hadn’t even thought of it until I brought it up. And I only brought it up because Hubby wanted checks for a paper trail and I said “she’ll give us a receipt, that’s our paper trail”. But I am ticked because now I have to do this ALL OVER AGAIN!!!!

That’s got to be some kind of record right? Toast before you’ve even started? But I have to stick with her until I find someone else because I literally have no other option. NONE of the other people that responded came back for a second round once I started asking questions (not the kind of people you want watching your son if they can’t/ are too flakey to answer simple questions).

She’s not shocked or upset that I’ll have to look elsewhere, but she’s also not willing to do the paperwork to list herself as her own business. I can’t help but wonder what the other woman who just booked her for child care is going to think. I’m pretty sure they are full-time too.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I’m due today…ish. Maybe yesterday or tomorrow since I have a little built-in leeway now.

On to the song of the day (day being roughly whenever I post). It’s depressing and slightly creep in a romantic way of a really sad story. I love this guy’s voice even though I hated it at first. He grew on me quickly years ago. It’s a cold weather song.

Frustration: Working on a secured dementia unit during a GI outbreak.

It is not possible to keep anyone on isolation. It is not possible to get them to stop touching each other and everything else, going into each others rooms, eating off each other’s plates.

They can’t remember that they are on isolation. They can’t remember why they shouldn’t go into that room with the isolation sign. They can’t remember that they are sick and that we’re not making it up. Why would we pretend everyone has diarrhea?! Why would we pretend everyone is puking? But they sure as hell are trying to convince me that it’s all one big conspiracy.

And because of that, this shit just wont go away! (ya, I’m a knee slapper).